# How many techs does it take to change a lightbulb?



## EPAC_Matt (Sep 20, 2004)

Apparently it took 4 -- and an hour to do so, during maintenance.

We had been fighting with a parcan on our third electric batten, trying to follow it's cable through the tangle of other cables and find out what circuit it was patched into, etc... The darn thing just wouldn't work! Took an hour to realize there was no lamp in the fixture 

Good times. :roll:


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## digitaltec (Sep 20, 2004)

Seems like you kids need to do some re-organization. Thats why you always label everyting on both ends and have sheets telling you what goes to what. Let this be a lesson to you.


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## zac850 (Sep 20, 2004)

Ahh, yes, spend hours going through all of the small details, only to realize that you over looked a major thing, such as not having a lamp in it.

As digitaltec said, it helps to label everything, and have a piece of paper (lightwrite file) that says what is going where, what circuit, and into what dimmer.

On that note, acutely, on a completely different note:
How many straight actors does it take to change a light bulb?


Both of them.


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## propmonkey (Sep 20, 2004)

my freshmen year(when i knew nothing) it took me and the old light guy(nice guy but he knew crap aboot lighting) 15 mins to change a fersnel. he didnt know and never have done it before.


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## EPAC_Matt (Sep 20, 2004)

Eh, we had gone along the raceway with a pad of paper and took note of the fixture's distances, circuits, etc... but the whole things a mess of cables and I guess mistakes do happen.

As for the missing bulb, we had thought we changed the lamp out but apparently we got sidetracked and forgot to stick the new lamp in, so when we had came back to the fixture, as you could've gessed, we were stumped.


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## avkid (Sep 20, 2004)

wow! that is sad, i once wrotes a series of notes(about 10) to the LD about what i thought was a burntout bulb. he called me crazy, but later it turned out that the bulb had melted into the fresnel and totally screwed it up. The moral of the story is always listen to everyone's opinion no matter how dumb you think they are, they just could be right for once!!!


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## jmsinick (Sep 20, 2004)

the bs process I have to go through to change our worklights on our grid.

one guy to put in work order to change light
one guy to come assess how many lamps to purchase and of what kind
one guy to request to order said lamps in said quanities
one guy to quote/price out and order said lamps
one guy to recieve said lamps
two theatre studends to take said lamps up to grid
a different guy to come and install the new lamps because the assor is afraid of heights
and the last guy to sweep up the dead flies from the light covers

person count: 9

I've been waiting for over three months to get these changed and they still aren't yet. If it wasn't for the facilities union (not to dog the unions or our facilities personel, all are great people) I would have changed all of these lights already. 

Jeremy


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## Radman (Sep 20, 2004)

I used to live in MI. Answer to question:

A few.

(I all of a sudden got really lazy...)


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## BigGorilla (Dec 3, 2004)

Some of my favorite responses to the question, "So, what WAS wrong with the light?"

A. "Um, we forgot to plug it in."
B. "We didn't patch it into the board."
C. the everpopular, "No lamp."
D. "I thought the 'new kid' was going to hang that light."

and the new most popular...

E. "It was something dumb, so I'm not telling you because you snort through your nose when you laugh."

BigGorilla


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## ccfan213 (Dec 3, 2004)

once i spent at least an hour trying to get an amp to work only to discover it was unplgged because when i used it the day before it was working and a contractor had unplugged it. moral of the story: check the obvious first


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## SuperCow (Feb 12, 2005)

Congratulations, that was ambiguous beyond even my own limited comprehension.


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## teh_sparky (Feb 15, 2005)

During our fall play last year, a lamp melted in the striplight. It took about 20 minutes and five or six people to get the thing out. Fun stuff, I am telling you.


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## hans44 (Feb 28, 2005)

anon said:


> You all failed to answer the posters original question, How many techs does it take to change a lightbulb?
> 
> HELLO PEOPLE!!! It's a LAMP not a LIGHTBULB!!!



From Harry C. Box's Set Lighting Technician's Handbook, Third Ed.:

How many directors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One. No, two. No, no one.

How many gaffers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One, no two . . . how many do you have on the truck?

How many electricians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
It's not a _bulb_, it's a _globe_.

How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Grips don't change light bulbs. That's electric
ALTERNATE:
Two. One to hold it and the other to hammer it in.

How many executive producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Executive producers don't screw in light bulbs. They screw in hot tubs.

How many production managers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None! If you'd just make it a day exterior we wouldn't have to keep screwing around with all these light bulbs!

How many ACs (camera assistant) does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Five. One to screw it in and four to tell you how they did it on the last show.

How many fire safety officers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One, but it's an 8-hour minimum.

How many teamsters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Four. You got a problem with that?

How many art directors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Does it have to be a light bulb? I've got a really nice candelabra we could use.

To finish the list:

STUNTMEN: Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how b**chin' he looked doing it.

STUDIO EXECS: No one knows. Light bulbs last much longer than studio execs.

ACTORS: 100. One to screw it in and 99 to say they could have done it better.

SCREEN WRITERS: The light bulb is IN and it is staying IN!

EDITORS: If we change the light bulb we'll have to change everything.


(Once again, thanx to Mr. Box for these GREAT works of comedy. BUY HIS BOOK!)


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## Dustincoc (Apr 14, 2008)

My personal Favorite WHAT WAS WRONG WITH IT REPLY?:

It was possesed. Which reminds me, the Leko's still in his office where we locked it up that night, 2 years ago.


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## porkchop (Apr 15, 2008)

Don't you love the ridiculous situations you can get yourself into doing the simplest things. All the more reason to keep a gamcheck in the tool bag. I love that tool more and more every time it saves me from scratching my head and wondering wtf is wrong.


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## Spikesgirl (Apr 15, 2008)

porkchop said:


> Don't you love the ridiculous situations you can get yourself into doing the simplest things. All the more reason to keep a gamcheck in the tool bag. I love that tool more and more every time it saves me from scratching my head and wondering wtf is wrong.



You took the words out of my mouth - what especially annoys me is when it takes your a couple of hours to realize the bleeding obvious. We had our lighting designer throw a wonky once because a PAR wouldn't come on. After berating us for not circuiting it properly (it was), not maintain the lights correctly - you know where I'm going with this - he forgot to plug the light into a circuit...never an apology, never a moment of humility, he just went on to his next tirade. He was a fun LD - NOT! 

Char5lie

P.S. the only thing funnier than not having a lamp in a fixture is watching a Drama student trying to drive in screws with a Makita in reverse - especially after they decline your help.


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## Eboy87 (Apr 15, 2008)

I thought the answer to the age old question of "How many techies does it take to screw in a light builb?" was obvious.

Two. Provided they could find one big enough. 

It's been one of those kinds of days so far


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## RiffRaff54 (Apr 21, 2008)

The way I heard it was this:

"How many techies does it take to change a light bulb?"

"It's called a lamp and it's not funny."

eh, on a related subject, whats the difference between a light bulb and a pregnent woman?

You can unscrew the light bulb


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## lieperjp (Apr 21, 2008)

RiffRaff54 said:


> The way I heard it was this:
> "How many techies does it take to change a light bulb?"
> "It's called a lamp and it's not funny."
> eh, on a related subject, whats the difference between a light bulb and a pregnent woman?
> You can unscrew the light bulb



HA HA HA! The funniest one!


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## Lightingguy32 (Apr 25, 2008)

1 if they are properly trained.
3 or more when not: 1 to ask another techie, another techie to ask some one who is trained and then the someone who is trained ends up replacing the lamp.


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## Dustincoc (Apr 25, 2008)

Zero. It is impossible to change a lightbulb, You must replace the entire lamp.


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## Logos (Apr 25, 2008)

Only one but it has to want to be changed!


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## avkid (Apr 26, 2008)

None, that's what we have maintenance staff for.


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## Macbeth (May 5, 2008)

Our House Lights.

A crew of seven, a whole high school custodial staff, and a ton of district workers. But the lights are still not changed since January.

High school is so much fun. LOL


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## Grog12 (May 5, 2008)

It's not just HS's...I've got House lights that facilities has to change that have been out since December.


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## Macbeth (May 5, 2008)

allways fun our crew tends to do most of it cause we get tired of waiting for a normal incandesent light bulb to be changed


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## gafftapegreenia (May 6, 2008)

Or better yet, how many highschool crew members does it take to build a doorframe?

Eight crew kids and two hours. Oh the good times...


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## Spikesgirl (May 10, 2008)

Grog12 said:


> It's not just HS's...I've got House lights that facilities has to change that have been out since December.



Grog - we have lights that burned out nearly 20 years ago and they ahve never been replaced as there is no way to reach them. Only the architect in his glory could explain why you would put lights in an area complete inaccessible to EVERYONE - go figure. We even tried to rapel down and couldn't because of the overhang. Crazy, crazy people from the 60's!


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## RiffRaff54 (May 10, 2008)

Apparently one time to replace the lights in my theatre we hired a guy to do it, and our house lights are only accessible from the underside. He strapped him self to the I-Beams and basically jumped off the cat walk and swung under the clouds to get to the lights. I wonder if OHSHA would approve...


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## Dustincoc (May 10, 2008)

RiffRaff54 said:


> Apparently one time to replace the lights in my theatre we hired a guy to do it, and our house lights are only accessible from the underside. He strapped him self to the I-Beams and basically jumped off the cat walk and swung under the clouds to get to the lights. I wonder if OHSHA would approve...



I think it would depend in fall protection was used..


House light burn out, I change them end of story. If I called facilities, it could take months and they would charge an arm and a leg to do it. As a lighting guy, I take it upon myself to ensure that all the lights in the space and lobby work.


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## tweetersaway (May 10, 2008)

the custodial staff at my HS change the burnt out ones every couple months or so. They just use a big 30 ft stick with a cup on the end. It's a pretty cool thing to watch, actually.


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## avkid (May 10, 2008)

tweetersaway said:


> the custodial staff at my HS change the burnt out ones every couple months or so. They just use a big 30 ft stick with a cup on the end. It's a pretty cool thing to watch, actually.


We have something like that.


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## photoatdv (May 12, 2008)

"Change lamps/ lightbulbs? How do you do that?"

That's about the response we get from maintnance. I once asked somebody to replace a couple of flourescents and they told me they'd have to call an electrician! I then asked for the bulbs so I could do it (aka make an assistant do it since I was trying to set-up 2 seperate shows in 2 theatres at the time). She told me she didn't know where they were! What a useless idiot. This was in a room with an 8 foot celing. I don't know how the auditorium ones get changed as it has not been done in the time I've been here.

I once had a volunteer shock himself 4 times trying to remove a flourescent bulb though. He wasn't too bright-- I tried to explain curcuits to him and he stared at me with a blank expression.


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## VictusUnus (May 12, 2008)

In my theater we have a place to hang some lights right in front of the light booth, to power these lights we have long extension cable that through the ceiling and a long side our cat walk system, which plug into two dimmers plugs.

With that confusing description done. During a Talent show that I was the LD/OP for the two lights I hung there weren't working. Me and my friend spent 20 minutes looking trying various trouble shooting, till I deiced to see if they were plugged in and it turned out that someone must have tripped over the cables and plugged them into a couple of unused dimmers. That and the right dimmer was missing a number. (Its was Dimmer 13, but was missing the three.)

I felt an idiot.


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