# Anger Management?



## teejmya (May 20, 2010)

I get really tense and tend to yell at people a lot during shows.
Set up is fine and level headed, but it seems like the second the curtain opens I'm a terrible person. I'm lights, so I really can't afford to be angry.

Do you guys have any solutions to 'going with the flow,' or keeping a level head?


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## jstroming (May 20, 2010)

See a therapist?


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## MNicolai (May 20, 2010)

Higher quality shows result from people being comfortable in what they're doing. If they're afraid of getting yelled at, or tense because they anticipate it, they will spend less time focusing on the work. It's alright to recognize someone else's work could have been better, but it's important to understand that in live theatre, things will happen, _especially_ with audio. Cues will go late, lamps will die in critical specials, and followspots will pickup the wrong person. It's often a better business model though to accept these issues as collateral damage and move on. It's far better than spending lots of money to have people and equipment in additional rehearsals. Dwelling on mistakes won't change that they've already happened.

Every show I've ever worked on, I could go back and say, "Well only if I would've had another x hours; I could've made the show y better." Except we're not in the business of perfection. Perfection takes time and diminishing returns ensure that as you apply more and more effort, each subsequent chunk of time you devote to a project will result in fewer improvements being made. Even Cirque shows, which put more effort into their productions than almost anyone else on the planet, will have things go wrong. Recognizing and coming to terms with the fact that in live theatre, perfection is a harsh mistress and mistakes are just the cost of doing business, is one of the first major steps into becoming comfortable in the industry.


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## teejmya (May 20, 2010)

jstroming said:


> See a therapist?



Ha.



MNicolai said:


> Higher quality shows result from people being comfortable in what they're doing. If they're afraid of getting yelled at, or tense because they anticipate it, they will spend less time focusing on the work. It's alright to recognize someone else's work could have been better, but it's important to understand that in live theatre, things will happen, _especially_ with audio. Cues will go late, lamps will die in critical specials, and followspots will pickup the wrong person. It's often a better business model though to accept these issues as collateral damage and move on. It's far better than spending lots of money to have people and equipment in additional rehearsals. Dwelling on mistakes won't change that they've already happened.



I love that you just knew that it was because of equipment failures. It is, but also because I work in a high school theatre, so the actors don't tend to listen. To anyone. They're loud, and loiter in high traffic areas. 

I guess it's just a matter of deep breaths. I drink a lot of tea also, it seems to help a little...
Anyway, Thanks for taking the time for a long-winded response. It helps. =)


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## MNicolai (May 20, 2010)

Actors are actors. They will do what they think they need to be doing. Usually, that doesn't include sitting down and shutting up when they're not needed. Our job as technicians is to protect them from themselves. If that means reminding them that they can't be talking in the wings or horsing around on stage, it's the job that comes with the territory. I've been working on a high school show the last two months and I've been having to tell the director he needs to keep tellings his cast to be quiet backstage because I can hear them in the house, and he's even more displeased with them making noise than I am. It's the nature of the work. They're there to enact their roles in the storyline, and you're there to make it look nice and presentable to the audience.

FYI, they probably won't listen to you more if you yell at them. Often the best responses I've seen from cast members have resulted from phrases such as "______, I love you and I know you're trying to help us out, but you really can't be on stage right now."

The respect has to be mutual or you'll be swimming against the current for the rest of your career.


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## Les (May 20, 2010)

If I'm on lighting, I generally try to keep out of everyone else's business and focus on my own work. The directoral/stage management staff should handle the actors and other technicians. Unless they are doing something unsafe or getting in my way, I just mind my own business. That's worked pretty well for me so far. I know that you probably want to make sure that all possible aspects of the production run as smoothly as they can, but sometimes you just have to focus on your little corner of the world, while keeping one eye on everyone else to make sure no one gets hurt. If all they're doing is being annoying and generally unruly, report it to your stage manager or director and let them worry about it.


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## shiben (May 22, 2010)

> I get really tense and tend to yell at people a lot during shows.
> Set up is fine and level headed, but it seems like the second the curtain opens I'm a terrible person. I'm lights, so I really can't afford to be angry.
> 
> Do you guys have any solutions to 'going with the flow,' or keeping a level head?



I know how that feels. Good that you recognize that its a problem, some people seem not to. Meditation can help calm you down (does for me). You might try things when your not at work, such as lifting weights (what I do), or possibly take up some form of martial art (I think Krav Maga is the most useful) to blow off steam and help discipline your mind (its not just about kicking the crud out of someone). I think the key for me is to try and not get too rankled about anything, ever. I have adopted a very chill attitude which I fight to maintain, and that seems to really help a lot. If Im getting angry I head over to the gym and lift some weights and utilize the punching bag (this can be good for your physique as well, espcially if you get pissed often), or if its at night Ill pop in a video game and relax with my buddies on Xbox Live (although if you have a laggy connection, a controller will be put though the TV).


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## lieperjp (May 22, 2010)

teejmya said:


> I get really tense and tend to yell at people a lot during shows.
> Set up is fine and level headed, but it seems like the second the curtain opens I'm a terrible person. I'm lights, so I really can't afford to be angry.
> 
> Do you guys have any solutions to 'going with the flow,' or keeping a level head?



Often I find myself using the "Count to ten" (or five, depending on who you talk to...) before saying anything. Often times, you need to just take a second to cool down before saying somethign you shouldn't. 

I can't tell if you're student, teacher, or staff at the high school, but if you find yourself getting into yelling matches with students, that's a problem. Again, use the cool down period - give yourself a few minutes before confronting someone who has done something wrong or made a mistake (note: ignore this if someone has made a mistake that could cause harm, such as a rigging mistake.) 

Generally, though, I agree with MNicolai. Accept that "**it happens." Not only will not dwelling on past mistakes help keep everyone comfortable, but preparing for possible mistakes or mishaps helps. Check equipment and cues and make sure everyone is on the same page, etc. before starting a show. And it may sound lame, but encourage people past their mistakes. Building a positive atmosphere builds confidence - note that I'm not saying make people believe they can do somethign they just can't do - but if someone makes a mistake, aknowledge it and encourage them to do a better job next time in a nice way instead of yelling.


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## kendal69 (May 23, 2010)

Here's the BEST advice I can give you. Control it or it will kill you - there that's the simple answer. How do I know, I had two heart valves replaced and one repaired in my 30's. Ya I was wound a little tight. I had to come back from the dead TRULY before I learned to not be so Angry, I think you can do it without the operating table. Let me take that back YOU NEED to do it before it kills you.

Anger is a strong emotion of displeasure caused by some type of grievance that is either real or perceived to be real by a person. The cognitive behavior theory attributes anger to several factors such as past experiences, behavior learned from others, genetic predispositions, and a lack of problem-solving ability. To put it more simply, anger is caused by a combination of two factors: an irrational perception of reality ("It has to be done my way") and a low frustration point ("It's my way or no way"). Anger is an internal reaction that is perceived to have a external cause. Angry people almost always blame their reactions on some person or some event, but rarely do they realize that the reason they are angry is because of their irrational perception of the world. Angry people have a certain perception and expectation of the world that they live in and when that reality does not meet their expectation of it, then they become angry.

It is important to understand that not all anger is unhealthy. Anger is one of our most primitive defense mechanisms that protects and motivates us from being dominated or manipulated by others. It gives us the added strength, courage, and motivation needed to combat injustice done against us or to others that we love. However, if anger is left uncontrolled and free to take over the mind and body at any time, then anger becomes destructive.

Why We Need to Control Anger

Just like a person who is under the control of a street drug---a person under the influence of anger cannot rationalize, comprehend, or make good decisions because anger distorts logical reasoning into blind emotion. You become unable to think clearly and your emotions take control of your actions. Physiologically speaking, anger enacts the fight or flight response in our brain, which increases our blood pressure and releases adrenaline into our bloodstream, thereby increasing our strength and pain threshold. Anger makes us think of only two things: (1) Defend, or (2) Attack. Neither of these options facilitates a good negotiation.

Internal Sources of Anger

Our internal sources of anger come from our irrational perceptions of reality. Psychologists have identified four types of thinking that contribute to anger.

1. Emotional reasoning. People who reason emotionally misinterpret normal events and things that other people say as being directly threatening to their needs and goals. People who use emotional reasoning tend to become irritated at something innocent that other people tell them because they perceive it as an attack on themselves. Emotional reasoning can lead to dysfunctional anger in the long run.

2. Low frustration tolerance. All of us at some point have experienced a time where our tolerance for frustration was low. Often stress-related anxiety lowers our tolerance for frustration and we begin to perceive normal things as threats to our well-being or threats to our ego.

3. Unreasonable expectations. When people make demands, they see things as how they should be and not as they really are. This lowers their frustration tolerance because people who have unreasonable expectations expect others to act a certain way, or for uncontrollable events to behave in a predictable manner. When these things do not go their way, then anger, frustration, and eventually depression set in.

4. People-rating. People-rating is an anger-causing type of thinking where the person applies a derogatory label on someone else. By rating someone as a "*****" or a "bastard," it dehumanizes them and makes it easier for them to become angry at the person.

External Sources Of Anger

There are a hundreds of internal and external events that can make us angry, but given the parameters of a negotiating situation, we can narrow these factors down to four general events.

1. The person makes personal attacks against us. The other side attacks you along with the problem in the form of verbal abuse.

2. The person attacks our ideas. The other side chops down our ideas, opinions, and options.

3. The person threatens our needs. The person threatens to take away a basic need of ours if they do not get their way i.e. "I'll make sure you'll never work in this city again."

4. We get frustrated. Our tolerance level for getting things done might be low or affected by any number of environmental factors in our lives.

Factors That Lower Our Frustration Tolerance

1. Stress / Anxiety. When our stress-level increases, our tolerance for frustration decreases. This is why there are so many domestic disputes and divorces over financial problems.

2. Pain. Physical and emotional pain lowers our frustration tolerance. This is because we are so focused on taking care of our survival needs, that we do not have time for anything or anyone else.

3. Drugs / Alcohol. Drugs and alcohol affect how our brain processes information and can make a person more irritable or bring forward repressed emotions or memories that can trigger anger.

4. Recent irritations. Recent irritations can also be called "having a bad day." It's the little irritations that add up during the course of the day that lower our tolerance for frustration. Recent irritations can be: stepping in a puddle, spilling coffee on your shirt, being late for work, being stuck in a traffic jam, having a flat tire.

Recognizing the Physiological Signs of Anger

By recognizing the physiological signs of anger, we can attune ourselves to know when it is time to take measures to make sure that our level of anger does not get out of control. Here are some symptoms of anger:

1. Unconscious tensing of muscles, especially in the face and neck.

2. Teeth grinding

3. Breathing rate increases dramatically

4. Face turns red and veins start to become visible due to an increase in blood pressure

5. Face turns pale

6. Sweating

7. Feeling hot or cold

8. Shaking in the hands

9. Goosebumps

10. Heart rate increases

11. Adrenaline is released into your system creating a surge of power.

Am I Right to be Angry?

**** right you are. You have your own perception and expectation of the world that you live in and when the reality that you live in fails to meet your expectations, then yes you have the right to be angry. Afterall, if everyone thought alike, then the world would be a pretty dull place to live. You are going to run into situations that you don't enjoy. You are going to run into people who don't respect your views and ideas. The feeling of anger is totally justified according to your beliefs and so don't repress or deny those feelings.

Having to right to feel angry does not mean that you have the right to lash out in anger by attacking the other person. You can't change the views of other people to conform to your own because, like you, they have their own right to uphold their view of the world. The best thing you can do is recognize your anger and focus it on the problem instead of your counterpart.

Key Points

Being angry or frustrated is just like being under the influence of a drug. It prevents you from rationalizing and thinking logically.

Anger is caused by a combination of an irrational perception of reality and a low frustration point.

Anger is a natural response and you have every right to be angry, but you must learn to keep that anger in check during a negotiation because once you react in any negotiation, then you lose the agreement.


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## shiben (May 23, 2010)

Wow. That was a good post.


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## mstaylor (May 23, 2010)

Rarely do I get mad during a show, it does no good. I prefer to stay calm, handle situations and get through it. Now after a show I will lay the offender out. My problem is I have a low tolerance for stupidity, it's worse when I'm the one that did the stupid thing. The other thing is arogant people that have little knowledge. I can handle an arogant person if they can back it up with knowledge or talent. 
I am getting better at controling my temper but it took four heart attacks. I lost it on an elephant handler this morning.


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## HornsOverIthaca (May 23, 2010)

This is why I could never be a stage manager, probably at any level. I just don't have the tolerance for stupidity and bull****.

Wait, did you say elephant handler? Like with actual elephants? That's awesome.


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## mstaylor (May 23, 2010)

HornsOverIthaca said:


> This is why I could never be a stage manager, probably at any level. I just don't have the tolerance for stupidity and bull****.
> 
> Wait, did you say elephant handler? Like with actual elephants? That's awesome.


Yes, I work in an arena and today I am doing a circus. Two days ago three college graduations.


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## teejmya (May 24, 2010)

Alright, let's walk backwards through all of this.

Woah, elephants. And graduations... Yeah I find that tolerance is low on most show nights. That's what I'm trying to work around.


kendal69, You are one amazing person, to give all of this off to some random Joe on the internet. Thank you so much for letting me know all of this. It is going in my iPod as a Note, and various other places so that I can always pull it up and reference it. There are a lot of great ideas in that post that I will be sure to follow up on. 

Thank you again.

And to lieperjp, I am a student at the high school. If this was an issue with either our amazing TD or outstanding director, I think the place would fall apart. 
I guess, in the search, I completely overlooked the "count to ten" method. It really does seem like it would help me most times. Ill make sure to use that also.

Lets keep working up the list. Shiben, I have looked into meditation before, but just with curiosity, not intent. Ill have to find it again. And I do (did, they were seniors) have techies in the theatre that took Krav Maga for that reason. It seems to work to some extent. They have the same issue I do, I just have it more severe. 

And Les, that is a very good idea, except that were are usually short-staffed, and I am the oldest person in the theatre by two years now that the seniors graduated. I'm the only seniors, among underclassmen. Nothing wrong with that. The only thing is that I have more experience. So, it's worth a shot on a few of the tiny shows. Ill give it a try, thanks.


MNicolai, of course, you seem to be on my level here with this. Suggestions always help, and I'll have to try some of those in the real theatre environment.


Now that the summer is on the way, we don't have any more shows for the year. Over the summer, I'm going to try meditation, and when the school year begins I'll look into Krav Maga lessons. 


Thank you all for your posts, you're too kind. I plan on applying all of this to my theatre career and I'm betting I'll immerge a better technician because of it. Thank you!


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## Taffey (May 25, 2010)

I have worked some very stressful shows. Mainly the design aspect, not as much running the show. I find it helps to get old water bottles from the recycling (with caps) fill them with water and smash them with hammer. Or get old pieces of 2 by 4 and destroy them with hammers.


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## shiben (May 30, 2010)

Taffey said:


> I have worked some very stressful shows. Mainly the design aspect, not as much running the show. I find it helps to get old water bottles from the recycling (with caps) fill them with water and smash them with hammer. Or get old pieces of 2 by 4 and destroy them with hammers.



Or go on CoD MW2 and vent on the n00bs there...


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## renegadeblack (May 30, 2010)

During a production my junior year of hs, I found myself LD/Master Electrician for the show and learned that none of my crew, whom I was friends with all of them, were willing to hang any lights because they were afraid they'd drop them. I also had a director who was breathing down my neck and wouldn't take my word that things would get done. She'd additionally not give me the time that she said she would which caused a rather stressful show. 

Throughout the show, I was barking at my crew constantly, and being as they all knew me, they knew that simply wasn't me as well as how much pressure was being put on me by the director.

Once the show was completely hung and programmed, I sat down with all of them and apologized for all the yelling and what not I had done. Fortunately, they understood. 

What I can offer is that if you blow up on anyone, know that an apology can go a long way, don't just pretend that nothing ever happened.


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## RWilson (Mar 2, 2011)

Hello, 

I am new to the forum, and a bit late to the party.......but this is an important topic I think. I work as the ATD for a very busy venue (300 show nights per year) and so there can be a fair amount of stress. I also work with the local school district and community theatres. 

Here's something that has helped me when things have brought out my cranky streak. Just some little things that are helpful to keep in mind. 

As long as everything is safe and abides by code, etc, because no one can argue with that, then it's all resolvable one way or the other- sometimes just saying "11 o'clock always happens". Because if 11 o'clock happened, then 2 am will too. 




I feel angry--that means I must have been hurt or something. 

I'm getting angry. I better figure out what's underneath it.

I don't need to prove myself. 

I don't have to defend myself.

I'm the only person who can make me mad or keep me calm. 

It's time to relax. 

It's okay to be unsure. 

Nothing says I have to be competent and sure all the time. 

It's okay to feel threatened. 

I don't need to be in control of everything and everybody. 

If people criticize me--I can survive that. 

Nothing says I have to be perfect. 

If this person wants to go off the wall, that's their thing. 

This will seem stupid later. 

This isn't what it seems. It's just old feelings getting stirred 
up again. 

It's okay to walk away from this. 

I will like myself better later if I walk away now. 

It's nice if others accept me, but I don't have to have it. 

People are going to act the way they want to act, not the way I 
want them to act. 

They don't have to believe me. We just disagree. 

I can choose to give in. 

I want a relationship more than I want to win this argument. 

All I want to do is speak my mind clearly and appropriately. 
That's it. 

I want to respect myself later. 

That's life. I don't have to let it get me so 
down. 


OK, hope it helps. RRW


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## gafftapegreenia (Mar 2, 2011)

The only thing I have to add is DONT FORGET TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF.

Five minute break? Go get some water, stand up, take a breath, stop writing cues!

Dinner break? Go out and find food, even if its eating a box lunch, stop writing cues!

Exhausted, tired, long day? Cast wants to celebrate? GO HOME. Sleep. 

You're useful to no one if you're dead. We have to make time to take time for ourselves, mental and physical health is important.


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## shiben (Mar 2, 2011)

gafftapegreenia said:


> The only thing I have to add is DONT FORGET TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF.
> 
> Five minute break? Go get some water, stand up, take a breath, stop writing cues!
> 
> ...


 
Heck, people who are physically exhausted are not real useful anyhow, outside of the risk to everyone and their mother.


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## WooferHound (Mar 6, 2011)

Everytime I start to feel angry, I stop and think of 2 reasons that I shouldn't get mad.


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