# What do you do with your kids when you work?



## nyssaaquatica (Dec 31, 2014)

Hey there,

I am wondering how others take care of their young kids while they are working crazy long hours with unpredictable call backs. 

Do you have an on call sitter?
Grandparents? 
A spouse who stays at home or works a normal job?


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## Footer (Dec 31, 2014)

....This is why I have cats. Seriously. This is why @MrsFooter and I have cats. I can't even take care of a dog. The people I know in the industry who have kids usually have a stay at home parent or they took a desk job so day care would work. My predecessor left because he had a kid on the way and wanted to actually raise him... you can now call Markertek and talk to him 9-5. You'll go broke with babysitters.


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## AudJ (Dec 31, 2014)

Well, that is one of the many reasons I am a teacher. My wife works only part-time on a flexible schedule she makes, and I more or less have a similar schedule as my kids. They are always with one of us, especially late gigs, unless we go on a date. It helps that we are both musicians and understand the business is what it is. I know it is not easy for a lot if people (and us too), but I love that my wife and I are the biggest influence on our kids.


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## Timothy A. Samuelson (Jan 1, 2015)

My wife and I had our first in September. It's been difficult figuring out the childcare thing. Seldom do we get lucky enough for her to be off work when I have a gig. Most of the time, grandparents are available. There's always an off night though that she comes to work with me. I was hanging some LEDs the other day and she insisted on sitting on the stage in the light. And then when it was time to call the focus, she had to be in my arms while I did it. She even started to mimic the hand gestures. High school stage managers make great babysitters on those nights too.


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## cbrandt (Jan 2, 2015)

My son is in full time daycare. My wife works full time as a teacher. Financially, it still works out in our favor to have both of us working. Of course, that is only paying for a single kid in day care.


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## robartsd (Jan 2, 2015)

cbrandt said:


> My son is in full time daycare. My wife works full time as a teacher. Financially, it still works out in our favor to have both of us working. Of course, that is only paying for a single kid in day care.


I remember talking to one of my teachers in college. He and his wife both had careers until their second came along. At that point they figured her entire salary would be going towards paying for childcare and that it would be better for them and their children if she stayed home full-time.


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## cbrandt (Jan 2, 2015)

Yeah, we're looking ahead to that situation. Hard to make decisions ahead of time. For my sister in law, the financial cutoff was 3 kids.


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## Footer (Jan 2, 2015)

cbrandt said:


> Yeah, we're looking ahead to that situation. Hard to make decisions ahead of time. For my sister in law, the financial cutoff was 3 kids.



In our house the question is also do either of us want to quit our jobs and stay at home with the kid? Unless there is some serious magic fairy dust that comes after you get issued a kid I don't see either of us wanting to do that.


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## robartsd (Jan 2, 2015)

Footer said:


> Unless there is some serious magic fairy dust that comes after you get issued a kid I don't see either of us wanting to do that.


I believe it is very similar to the magic fairy dust that makes you want to have a kid in the first place. Perhpas you and MrsFooter haven't encountered a potent dose of it.


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## ruinexplorer (Jan 2, 2015)

We are a single income household. My youngest is now 12. It was difficult when I would be working seven days a week to make enough to live on, but that paid off in the long run. We also homeschool our children (since my oldest was in fourth grade), which allows me time with them.


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## AudJ (Jan 3, 2015)

Dual income needed? Here is a good test: this year when you figure your taxes with a dual income, go back and do it again with 1, 2, or 3 kids and single income as a set of hypotheticals - huge deductions and tax breaks for kids, as well as paying at a lower income bracket. Then add up the cost of the second income; clothing, commuting costs, lunch, day care, phone costs, and anything else it costs to work.

One kid is debatable, but once there are 2 or more kids, most people that have actually taken the time to estimate the above exercise realize the second job can actually cost them money, in addition to the sacrifice to their family.

There are other reasons to keep jobs, and this can change dramatically depending on the income levels earned, so I'm not saying that everyone can raise a family of 5 off a single income, but at least a serious look should be taken at it both ways before making assumptions.


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## Footer (Jan 3, 2015)

AudJ said:


> Dual income needed? Here is a good test: this year when you figure your taxes with a dual income, go back and do it again with 1, 2, or 3 kids and single income as a set of hypotheticals - huge deductions and tax breaks for kids, as well as paying at a lower income bracket. Then add up the cost of the second income; clothing, commuting costs, lunch, day care, phone costs, and anything else it costs to work.
> 
> One kid is debatable, but once there are 2 or more kids, most people that have actually taken the time to estimate the above exercise realize the second job can actually cost them money, in addition to the sacrifice to their family.
> 
> There are other reasons to keep jobs, and this can change dramatically depending on the income levels earned, so I'm not saying that everyone can raise a family of 5 off a single income, but at least a serious look should be taken at it both ways before making assumptions.



Its 3950 per kid... that won't add up anytime soon... and the second you factor in the cost of a college education it all goes out the window... and if you are playing the NYC freelance thing you have to pay for a private school education...


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## ruinexplorer (Jan 3, 2015)

I can say that it can be quite a strain on your relationship. Some friends of mine both work on a permanent show. One works daytime maintenance while the other works shows and they swap the kids when they change shifts. They don't get to spend a ton of time with each other. Having other family around is a big plus.

The hardest thing with kids and the entertainment business is that you often won't be able to celebrate holidays or attend special events with them. That is very difficult for families who don't understand the riggors of the business. Depending on where you work, your family may become an extended family of the theater. This has somewhat happened with my family at my current job, not as much with previous jobs.


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## nyssaaquatica (Jan 3, 2015)

I already have 2 kids ages 5 and 10 so it makes it difficult to decide not to have them. That is pretty discouraging that no one seems to think it possible to have kids in this industry. They live with my ex at this point but I really want them to live with me. I guess my best bet is to get a family member to move in with me... We have to have a two income household to survive in SF- or anywhere in the bay area, and here babysitters make $20 and hour so that is really not an option.


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## ruinexplorer (Jan 3, 2015)

It _is _possible to have kids in this industry, just not in the way the rest of society seems to look at the typical lifestyle (pretty much everything about our industry is that way). Do you have regular hours at a single venue or do you take on-call work wherever you go? Do you have neighbors with kids that you can trade off parenting duties? I hope that you might convince a family member to move in or nearby as I feel it important to have children raised by those who truly care for them and not just those getting paid to care for them. That being said, not all parents have that option. So, you may also want to talk to your employer to see if they have child care options. You might find a hidden benefit! I have a friend at the SF Opera who might have better insight into your area that I could ask. Believe me, I understand the difficulty you are facing (other than being a single parent).


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## techieman33 (Jan 3, 2015)

One couple I know have a pretty nice setup. One is the TD, and the other one of two ATD's. So they are able to switch off most of the time during events. And since they work at a theater attached to a university they have plenty of affordable babysitting available for those times they are both at work.


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## kendal69 (Jan 4, 2015)

nyssaaquatica said:


> Hey there,
> 
> I am wondering how others take care of their young kids while they are working crazy long hours with unpredictable call backs.
> 
> ...


My daughter never spent a minute in a crib. Always on my lap watching Sponge Bob while I did my computer work. If I needed to go somewhere I tag teamed with the wife. On the road she would be with us in the hotel room with the wife. If I did work in ballrooms she was in the room with me. All that was 18 years ago. Last week she was at the board with me when we did a Kabuki drop. I let he shoot the drop to expose a 100K vehicle. I also let her shoot the confetti hoppers. Sort of a Take your daughter to work day - SHE LOVED IT. She said she never had such an adrenaline rush, having all the "pressure" of shooting the effects at the exact moment. 

How'd she turn out? She speaks three languages, takes all AP classes, was the lead in the school play, is the Schools VP, and had a 1,900 on SAT's. So I didn't do so bad
*schlepping* her all over the place and living unconventionally. 

Wost day of my life is soon approaching, when she heads off to college., but we raise them to let them go, it's just that no one said it would be this hard though.


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## josh88 (Jan 5, 2015)

I don't have any yet, but the two couples with recent additions in theatre I know have had their kids with them almost since day one. One couple is a teacher and youth theatre director so somedays she takes her daughter with her and other days she gives her to dad to sit with him while he programs. So far that works out pretty well for them with the occasional baby sitter which usually are college theatre students. 

The other couple is the woman my wife replaced at the YMCA, she still directs shows and runs programming, and her kids have grown up in the theatre. She gave birth and two weeks later had the kid in a sling and was back at work. Most of the students love having her kids there and watch the older siblings during rehearsals and such. This doesn't help with working in a shop or doing lighting calls but it can be done. That being said. I'm waiting and we plan for me to stay home when a kid comes along but I'm a furniture and prop maker too so I've got plenty to do at home and bring in money too while being a stay at home dad.


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## robartsd (Jan 5, 2015)

ruinexplorer said:


> We also homeschool our children (since my oldest was in fourth grade), which allows me time with them.


I like that you point out that the flexibility of homeschooling allows you to spend time with your kids even though you work an unconventional (in the larger world) schedule.


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