# I can't believe I'm asking this... need advice on stage semen.



## SweetBennyFenton

So... this is an interesting take on the normal "I need a good stage blood" question. I need stage semen.

In the action of an upcoming show, an actress gets covered by semen from a flock of flying phalluses (say that three times fast) We are looking for something that looks like semen, will not stain costumes and is safe for an actor's skin/eyes/mouth.

So... uh... anyone have any ideas?


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## cprted

Cornstarch and milk.


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## Van

Or cornstarch and glycerin. < if the actress is Lactose intolerant..>

What show are you doing over there ?


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## SweetBennyFenton

It's a student written show... 'nuf said.


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## ajb

Apparently methyl cellulose is what's used in a, uh, certain 'genre' of adult films for this purpose--which I swear I only know because wikipedia told me!

Regarding student-written shows, at the talkback for one we had when I was in college, the playwright commented that he didn't always put much thought into the practicality or producibility of stage directions--it's so easy to write "character does X" or "Y happens". But his perspective changed dramatically when he was in the audience and had to actually watch his characters "have awkward sex", in compliance with his stage directions.


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## FatherMurphy

Would white curlicue streamers or confetti be an option?


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## SHARYNF

Diluted yogurt is an alternative, but cornstarch and glycerin is probably easier to deal with

Sharyn


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## erosing

I have found diluted yogurt (by water or milk) to be a too akin to milk of magnesia or peptobismol if dyed. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## MNicolai

ChaCha gave this recipe:


> Bring white rice to the boil, simmer for 10 minutes. The longer the thicker it goes, strain the rice, use the liquid left over.



I also seem to recall hearing the props guys from American Pie saying that they did some experimenting and ended up using egg whites to make fake semen for a certain scene where it needed to look like semen in a cup of a beer.

There's probably a hundred different ways you can do the effect, but you may want to experiment with different techniques and find out which is most convenient for you to produce, which is easiest to handle on stage, and also important, how easy the different types are to clean up and whether or not they stain.


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## Milton

Just a shot in the dark (ha ha), but have you tried an organic dish detergent? Assuming that they don't have to swallow.


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## Corbettlight

I'm not sure about the stainability, but white chocolate syrup looks stunningly like semen.


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## BrianWolfe

All stagehands to the grid! Or in a more civilized world confectioners sugar with water or glycerin.


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## Morpheus

BrianWolfe said:


> All stagehands to the grid!


yea, but calling that would be a PITA


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## NZSM

Perhaps something as simple as body lotion, it's made to be put on skin and the majority of the stuff has the properties of semen.


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## kendal69

Egg Whites


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## shiben

Morpheus said:


> yea, but calling that would be a PITA



And I have heard getting that out of hair is a problem. 

Ok. WHY are there people getting rained on by flying phalluses? I am super curious. Student written, sure. But really?


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## SweetBennyFenton

The idea is that an artist has made something pretty (a princess walks onstage) then the artist wants his audience to have a viseral reaction to the art he made, so he defiles that pretty thing (two buckets of blood are poured over the princess) then, when the audicene is uncomfortable, the artist wants to offend and anger them (that's when the penises fly on stage and "deposit" semen on the princess.

It's an extended metaphore for the work of Antonin Artaud and the Theatre of Cruelty. The script is actually quite good, but just as Artaud's work asked for things that are techiclly imposable... so does this student writer.

I'll let you know how my semen tests go this week.


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## derekleffew

SweetBennyFenton said:


> I'll let you know how my semen tests go this week.



Thanks for that, really, but sometimes *not* knowing is better.


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## SweetBennyFenton

Just in case anyone is curious, we had some very good results with our stage semen.

We used the mix of Vegatable Glycerin and a lot of corn starch. Great consistancy, great look. The audience was really impressed (and disgusted).


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## MarshallPope

I may regret asking this... but are there pictures?


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## mein5318

Wet stuff water based lubricant and cornstarch - Wet stuff is stringy... Haven't tried it but I'm thinkng that once it dries you only have to brush off the corn starch. costumes may not have to be washed after everyperformance. 

I can't believe I'm attempting to answer this.


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## Morpheus

mein5318 said:


> Wet stuff water based lubricant and cornstarch - Wet stuff is stringy... Haven't tried it but I'm thinkng that once it dries you only have to brush off the corn starch. costumes may not have to be washed after everyperformance.
> 
> I can't believe I'm attempting to answer this.


I can't either... he's already done with the show


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## redface

Would you believe I googled "stage semen" and this was the only hit I got? Yes, I suppose you would.

Glycerine and cornstarch? Cool. I'm going to find this very useful. For what? you ask. Sorry. I really really really don't want to tell you, and you really really really _really_ don't want to know. I do promise that no human degradation will be involved, or at least none that isn't earnestly desired.

I do feel a nitpicky need to point that vegetable glycerin is chemically identical to the kind made from animal products. The only reason ever to specify vegetable glycerine is if you have issues with (straining to avoid a double entendre) _using_ animal products.


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## lwinters630

NZSM said:


> Perhaps something as simple as body lotion, it's made to be put on skin and the majority of the stuff has the properties of semen.


Hair conditioner,


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## gafftaper

Welcome to the Booth @redface! You have picked an interesting topic for your first post! Actually it doesn't really surprise me that we were the only hit for this topic. We discuss a lot of weird things here, although this is definitely one of the more unique ones.

For everyone else, note this is a three year old topic. So, the original situation has been dealt with, but as always, feel free to join in if you have something new to add, or find yourself needing to solve a similar problem.


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## LGB

Admins: Please change this post to sticky

(haha!)


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## dvsDave

LGB said:


> Admins: Please change this post to sticky
> 
> (haha!)



You win the internet for the day.


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## Colin

First message @LGB - did you sign up just to post that (totally worth it)?


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## gafftapegreenia

If you don’t need buckets worth Corn Huskers Lotion is very convincing.


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## Chase P.

Wow, yeah, we have interesting jobs, don't we?

In the interest of helping those that might come across this post in the future (see what I did there?), there are several commercially available lubricants that would work. A buddy in the adult film industry tells me that Spunk brand (https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00GHMU8LQ/?tag=controlbooth-20) is commonly used for uh, special effects.

They do have the advantage of being marketed for human use, and won't spoil at room temperature, so there's an advantage over DIY recipes. They can get expensive however.

Side note, I once sold a Mythbusters show runner 16 bottles of J-Lube, a veterinary obstetrical lubricant. Each bottle of powder makes 6-8 gallons. I was never sure which episode that wound up on. And you thought justifying your expense card statements at work was hard!


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## Wubbles121

Chase P. said:


> And you thought justifying your expense card statements at work was hard!




Nah, I just list everything as "office supplies". ;-)


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## LGB

Colin said:


> First message @LGB - did you sign up just to post that (totally worth it)?



Yes, admittedly. I enjoyed reading this post and thought this is the only way I could contribute: Helping others to have this older but important post get some staying power. 

A bit premature to discharge my thoughts here, maybe? Coming to this forum from a search engine, I didn't mean to spam it, but a bit of a climax when I thought it really needed to be sticky.

Fallacious, at best, as I am not even in the business of stage and theatre stuff, though I have a good friend who is an expert in the area.

On a different note: What do you use to clean up the actors/actresses - facial tissues? I always wondered why it was called a "facial", but I think I know now.


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## JerseyMatt

Chase P. said:


> Side note, I once sold a Mythbusters show runner 16 bottles of J-Lube, a veterinary obstetrical lubricant. Each bottle of powder makes 6-8 gallons. I was never sure which episode that wound up on. And you thought justifying your expense card statements at work was hard!



That would be "slipping on banana peels".. They made a "skating rink" covered in banana peels to see how slippery it was racing from cone to cone, then they did the same thing after covering the course in J-Lube (distributed by water guns of course!) as the comparison.. It was comical! They used it in another later episode too but I can't recall what it was for.


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## Jay Ashworth

derekleffew said:


> Thanks for that, really, but sometimes *not* knowing is better.


C'mon; that was my favorite sentence on CB all year.


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