# Techie sayings



## TheMockery

What is the most common phrase one would say to techies before a show? I would guess not "good luck", but "break a leg" is only for actors, isn't it? Or maybe techies don't go for that sort of thing...I'm just looking to include everyone in pre-show well-wishing.


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## delnor

One hand high one hand low that’s what makes the scenery go!

That’s not pre-show well wishing but just a good phrase to know.


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## TheMockery

Heh, that's a new one. Useful, too.


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## Jo-JotheSoundDog

The one I'm most familiar with is 
"Let's get this thing over so we can go grab a beer!"
Now I am not pushing under age drinking, I am just calling it like it is.


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## TechDirector

lol i kinda say "if you screw up, then you'll get beaten up" lol no that doesn't really happen though.


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## Jo-JotheSoundDog

"if you screw up, then you'll get beaten up"

I have got to start using that!


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## netforce2003

"Just use the handyman's secret weapon, duct tape."

A good part of the crew that I worked with are fans of the Red Green show on PBS. So one of his more famous sayings happens to be well followed.


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## ship

"Just use the handyman's secret weapon, duct tape." 
"if you screw up, then you'll get beaten up"

How about merging the two quotes.

"If you use duct tape, than you'll get beaten up."

Nasty stuff and banned for use in many places. Gaffers tape is much better to use for all but electrical things - not rated for electrical repair.


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## netforce2003

Unfortunately we dont get much financial help from the school so we end up using duct tape or no residue tape. Most of what we use tape for is keeping extension cords and sound cables from creating trip hazards.


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## Jo-JotheSoundDog

"Just use the handyman's secret weapon, duct tape." 

It is great running across fellow Red Green fans. Our PBS took it off the air a couple years back. But I still have a couple of videos in case I need a fix.


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## vulcan

the preshow well wishing that i am most familiar with and have actually used for actors as well as tech ppl is: 

just go out and have fun. and no matter what else happens...just don't suck. 

that usually works for me


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## dvsDave

Another One to keep in mind: "Make sure you secure the set so you aren't accused of nearly beaning a Supreme Court Justice on the noggin!" :wink:


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## dvsDave

just sign in to have your name be put on automatically... don't worry about it... I opened up the forums to allow more people to post.... but to get private messages and such, you need to sign up and sign in!!


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## soundman

Our td likes to call us back stage about 3 minutes to curtin to give us a "you are the magic "speech the upperclassman pretty much know it by hart something about its allwise been up to you guys and now lets tell the story like its never been told before but he draws it out to about 10 or 15 minutes and for those of you that passed high school math you can figure out why our shows never start on time. The closeing night is even better he give awards/gifts to everyone and says some stuff to the senoirs then we start close to 1/2 hour late.


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## Mattech

We dont have much of a pre show saying but when we do something well be use "slicker than eel S**t" We also advise all our newbies "Screw fast, Drill slow"


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## cruiser

haha... some very interesting sayings in there...

In australia we have our own version of 'break a leg' which is "chookas" usually before a show we just get wished "chookas" over the cans or whatever.... we also have the term slabbing which im sure is used all over the world!

forget to turn the mic on, one slab, forget to turn it off, two slabs.. pull the wrong fly line.. and your gone! haha...

One show i did, the opening had a scrim down on the procenium line, and dancers performed behind it casting huge shadows onto the scrim. the calls came over the cans "standby lx3, standby scrim up" "lx3 standing by" "scrim standing by" "scrim go" and me and another tech are sitting in the bio box watching the scrim go down... down... down... till the fly bar hit the stage... it was the funniest yet one of the worst things to happen on the opening of the show!! btw.. the show was JCS haha


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## chizle97

My favorite is always "Tech or Die!!!!!"


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## MagliteL13

In high school, we always had the "Welcome home, give 'em hell" speech. In college, we don't really have anything before the shows. After the shows......well, I won't get into that. My favorite saying has to be "If force doesn't work, you're not using enough." ---and that's coming from a sound guy.


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## DMXtools

Early seventies movie - Roadie - has my favorite tech saying: "Everything works if you let it." Everyone working the tech end of live shows, especially Rock and Roll, should see it.

-John


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## digitaltec

I got a whole list of them:

Quotes 



"Actors are props with dialogue" 

"Beat to fit, paint to match" 

"If force doesn't work, you're not using enough" 

"Done is best" 

"An actor without techies is a naked person standing in the dark trying to emote. A techie without actors is a person with marketable skills." 

"And on the first day the lord said. . . . . .LX1, GO! and there was light."

"It's kind of fun to do the impossible." 

"EVERY theater company mirrors the muppet show, think about it."

"John Wilkes Boothe should have shot an actor. . ." 

"Love-it, Lock-it, Leave-it, Next. . . ." 

"Let the actors finish it"

"I don't make mistakes, I have unintentional improvisations." 

"Hmmmm. What would a smart guy do."

"Our techies practice safe sets and Techies do it on cue." 

"Work sucks. I'm going to the theatre." 

"Life's a stage and were constantly changing the scenery." 

"Extras are props that eat. . ." 

"Umm, 'scuze me, your techies are showing. . ."

"If we could read minds, we wouldn't need headsets." 

"Hey, I forgot my cue sheet, oh well, I'll make it up. I wonder if they'll notice?"

"All the girlies say He's pretty white for a Fly Guy."

"If I wanted to have people tell me what to do, I would have become an actor."

"Techies are those people least appreciated, most abused, hardest working, in the entire history of the theater."


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## cruiser

"Lift with your back to save your knees"

Been an OH&S advisor in our theatre, I should say that... but meh!


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## wolf825

digitaltec said:


> I got a whole list of them:
> 
> Quotes
> 
> 
> 
> "Actors are props with dialogue"
> 
> "I don't make mistakes, I have unintentional improvisations."
> 
> "Hmmmm. What would a smart guy do."
> 
> "Work sucks. I'm going to the theatre."
> 
> "Techies are those people least appreciated, most abused, hardest working, in the entire history of the theater."




ROTFLMAO...thanks for sharing those--I have posted them now in my place right under the price sheets of stupid question... 

-wolf


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## ship

ah' the price sheet of stupid questions. What a concept! Yea, there is something to pin up.


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## ship

By the way, I'm still for the commandments rule about the "TD is always right, if you think he is wrong, you must of misundrestood him." How true to life.


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## digitaltec

Glad you all liked those. I have been collecting them over the past few years. I live by most of them.


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## wolf825

ship said:


> ah' the price sheet of stupid questions. What a concept! Yea, there is something to pin up.



Ya I charge 5$ for the first stupid question, $20 for the second, and the third question and beyond has various corporal punishment fee's from a smack in the head to the loss of a limb... 

Dealing with stupid people and their questions---> "thank you--here's your sign".  

-wolf


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## wolf825

digitaltec said:


> Glad you all liked those. I have been collecting them over the past few years. I live by most of them.



If I get a chance in the nex day or so, I'll post my ever favorite list of what TECH's do vs what Actors and Stage folks do...which asks the question of WHO is more important to a show. <G>. 

Of course there is also the Henry Rollins quote which is listed on here as well...my all time favorite especially when doing concert work.. 

-wolf


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## Crewguy7

The one important saying which i'm surprised i haven't seen posted yet is "*move with a purpose*". The once thing i'm disappointed in seeing during a show is a mass of crewies stumbling over themselves. There was a case where during a scene change everyone was trying to do their own job at once, a person moving a set piece was bumped into the pit. Lluckily the pit was only about 3 feet down (For a good reason, but that's for another post). 

Once again, "moving with a purpose" i think is high on my list of things i'd like to see being said before the start of a show.


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## ship

You realize why you did not hear such a techie quote as "Move with a Purpose" don't you? What do you think your director is telling the actors on stage also?


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## Crewguy7

Our TD never usually deals with actors one on one, we have separate directors for that. Anyways i know of a few schools where that saying is repeated. Anyways, the director for the actors at our school usually spends most of her time trying to teach the actors to keep going after the mess up, not to linger.


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## teksalot

One of my favorite stage managers does the clear com checklist, then just before he calls the first cue, he asks for a "whoa bundy!" We all do it, and he calls the cues.


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## wemeck

I always liked Alan Shepherd's pray, "Oh Lord, do not let me screw up."


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## ship

My art teacher used to go around the classroom singing "Oh' Lord it's art be humble."


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## miniwyo

Those are great everybody

Try this one

"Good From Far But Far From Good!"


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## wemeck

miniwyo said:


> Those are great everybody
> 
> Try this one
> 
> "Good From Far But Far From Good!"




I like that one!


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## soundman

good enough for theater 
just keep sticking it in till you find the hole


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## OnWithTheShow

"We are not building the god damn Taj Mahal"

"Curvature of the Earth"

"Measure twice cut thrice."

We had a tradition of rapping "Good Day" before a show

Also have done "Whoa Bundy" and also "Go, Bayside"


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## zac850

Mine is "stage perfect". 

Not funny, but helps when your going insane building a set. it looks perfect from the audience, and thats what matters.


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## Nephilim

OH MY GOD. Chookers! I'd completely forgotten that! Holy crap. I'm going to have to institute that here and see how far it gets


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## wemeck

We have a colleague/student that has a first name that starts with a "J." His/her thinking is beyond out of the box, it is absurdist at times. So when he are debating how to solve a technical issue we ask "WWJD." And we laugh when one of us comes up with the most absurd way to solve the problem.


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## ship

I usually describe my hack engineering work as "abstract engineering." Our grumpy old man at work usually remarks about much of my work as a complement in saying "you polished up that turd really well."


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## miniwyo

Oh here is another one that i forgot to add in my last post.

"Its Done Right Because It's Done Twice!"

RJ
Rock Springs Wy


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## HMOcidalmaniac

Once an actor always an actor- but once a night is enough


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## disc2slick

A couple I have encountered in my time as techie in HS and College

one borrowed from the Simpsons (and a personal favorite): 
the Krusty Seal of Approval:Its not just good, its good enough.

In my HS on the window of the booth we had a large drawing of two fists with "tech crew"written on the knuckles. under it read "HEAR AND OBEY", a mantra that was enhanced by liberal use of the "god mic".

-dan


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## DMXtools

Another one borrowed from the film "Roadie"... that I think every techie can relate to:

"Why IS my life so much harder than everybody else's?"

John


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## Mayhem

One of my personal faves:

"Gaffa tape is like the force - it has a light side, a dark side and it holds the universe together!"

Mayhem (that's Jedi Master Mayhem to you!).


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## Nephilim

Thank god you said Gaffa tape - if you'd said Duck/Duct, I would have lost all respect for you. For starters, regular Duck is not dark on either side.


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## cruiser

Why does duct tape even come into it.. Lets all face it, duct tape is crap! anyone who duct tapes stuff where gaffa could be used, should and will be shot


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## Nephilim

cruiser said:


> Why does duct tape even come into it.. Lets all face it, duct tape is crap! anyone who duct tapes stuff where gaffa could be used, should and will be shot



I have to resort to black duck because we can't afford gaffer's... luckily it's only very sparingly used.


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## Mayhem

cruiser said:


> Why does duct tape even come into it.. Lets all face it, duct tape is crap! anyone who duct tapes stuff where gaffa could be used, should and will be shot


Shooting them is a bit harsh. Perhaps duct taping them to some truss might be a better solution.

The only time I have seen a practical use for duct tape has been to secure cable to aluminium bars as the silver is less noticeable than black or white tape. However, you can now get silver electrical tape so yes, back to Cruiser's point.


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## ship

Duct tape is fine as long as you 1) never have to touch it when wet, warm, or cold. Or 2) don't have to remove or look at it.

On a budget, come on let's give the guys some slack, we have all experienced gaff tape burned into a Leko now haven't we. Some things you do just have to experience. Too bad also most schools if smart won't let the kids near Goof Off as it's kind of hazzardess to one's health in spite of being about all that will take the goo away - at least from fresh tape.



Had I a dime for every roll of gaff tape someone closed up a box with or lost during a show I would be rich or be able to supply all schools near me. Still you might ask your local IATSE shop if they might keep some stray rolls of it for you. Might be possible to arrange.
I buy something like 6 to 800 rolls of just black gaff tape a year, and rearely see it coming back from shows. What do the local stage hands have a side gig in selling it off to high schools that can't afford it, are their cars not already full of it, or is it too difficult to put it back in the road case you got it out of when done, much less pick it up instead of sweeping it into the trash. 
he he he, yea and they want all the colors of the rainbow in gaff tape too, so they can color cold the boxes of broken gear they send back by way of UPS with fluorescent colors, or mark cases with it saying "full". 

You get noting, you get PVC tape at 1/8 the cost instead... Kind of a nick name for myself having to do with a certain soup sales person from Sinefeld.


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## Nephilim

ship said:


> Kind of a nick name for myself having to do with a certain soup sales person from Sinefeld.



The Tape Nazi. I love it


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## zac850

I use duct tape, i know, its horrible, but my school can't afford to spend $20 on each roll of tape that we use, and we use A LOT of tape. Of corse, all of our coards are all nasty because of the residue from the tape, but, hea, we save $10 or $15, so its worth it.

we don't wanna use up our entire budget on tape!!!!

and some duct tape has a black side, i've used it!


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## DMXtools

I also use duct tape... but all my shows are one-night stands - it's never there long enough to get gooey. Tonight's show is typical - load-in is at 5PM, first band is on at 7PM, last band is off at 11 PM and the duct tape starts coming up as soon as they get their instruments out of the way.

Wish I could afford gaffer tape, but chances are good that tonight's show will pay me a grand total of about $120... including the cost of batteries for the wireless mics, 5 audio cassettes (I record every band, every show, and give them the tape after their set), and round-trip mileage (50 miles each way). I'm not exactly the highest-paid rock-and-roll sound guy in the world. The difference between a $5 roll of duct tape and a $15 roll of gaffer tape usually goes into buying a CD or T-shirt from a touring band so they can eat on the road.

John


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## The_Terg

My school has vast supplies of cheaper AV grade gaffers tape. Im constantly stealing rolls of the stuff for the theatre. 

Thankfully, neither does the tape come out of a given show's budget, nor do I pay for it, so it sometimes ends up getting misused...

The only 2 times I would ever consider using duct tape are:
1) Fixing old, broken down cardboard boxes that still needed to be used. Neither is the tape needed to come off, nor does it need to look good. and the extra stick of duct tape is often good.
2) I repaired my shoes once with some high quality duct tape. The gaffers tape simply wasn't sticking, so I grabbed a good helping of duct tape for the inside of my shoe. Its still working pretty well, but thats because its the nice expensive kind of duct tape.


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## ProfessorAire

Continuing the tradition of 'break a leg' one of the sayings to come out of my school's auditorium is simply: "May the Grandmaster fail..." And that may sound kinda weird, but in the past we've experienced incidents where that's happened so... It kinda fits.


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## wemeck

We have been using white gaff tape to mark/label the flies. Stuff really comes in handy.


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## cruiser

Gotta love the white gaff!

In some instances i have preferd to label my desk with white gaf, seems to come off nicer than alot of other things, if you leave lecky tape on too long it seems to go a bit crappy when you pull it off.... and masking tape is just pure evil.... anyone who puts masking tape on one of my desks will have masking tape put where they dont want it


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## Dean

Nice quotes..
BTW: "It's kind of fun to do the impossible." - Walt Disney


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## Source4

Our Tech Group had a few slogans of our own.
"We do it in the dark"
"Out techies practice safe sets"
Im sure there are a thousand of these out there but those are a few of my favorites


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## Dean

"F$$$ with me - and you'll be dancing in the dark"


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## cruiser

LOL love that dean.. i shall definatly be using that one! its so typical of something id say too (im very sarcastic), infact i probably did say it and dont remember lol.. or something to that effect!


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## Nephilim

cruiser said:


> if you leave lecky tape on too long it seems to go a bit crappy when you pull it off.... and masking tape is just pure evil.... anyone who puts masking tape on one of my desks will have masking tape put where they dont want it



There's a 100% plastic tape that isn't standard electrical that doesn't leave goo upon removal; we had a small roll of it at AHS when I was there. NFI where it came from though.


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## cruiser

AHS and NFI someone... anyone?


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## Nephilim

cruiser said:


> AHS and NFI someone... anyone?



AHS was my old school, Acalanes High School.

NFI... No.... Idea.


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## bluesbabypoet

we have a few...

get off your a$$es and work!

dont get paint on your blacks

and before our performances all the tech presents the show in "dolby surround sound" including the dooo thing.


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## zac850

Dean said:


> "F$$$ with me - and you'll be dancing in the dark"



THATS GREAT!!!! 

One of the actors always jokes with me about not doing enough work (because i'm always running around doing everything). Thats my new come-back!!!!

and if someone is serious and bothers me, but most of my actors are good to me (notice I say MY actors.... lol)

THANK YOU!!!!


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## Dean

I'm thinking about getting a few badges made..

"Mess with me - and you'll be "acting" in the dark"


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## Garen

I once had an LD who gave a "preshow pep talk"

he said:

"Dont f*** up, my 500$ scholarship is hanging on this show"

haha

~Garen


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## Nephilim

Garen said:


> "Dont f*** up, my 500$ scholarship is hanging on this show"



Well, looks like it worked, huh.


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## HMOcidalmaniac

my bosses was similar to that-

you F*** up and i'll take it out of your hide and then hang you by your b***s from the grid- needless to say- i have yet to screw up


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## TechnicalDirector3-W

These are all great, some of my personal favorites are "Techies do it in the dark" , and "The Five Rules for screwing. 1) Always wear protection. 2)Make the correct connection, battery with drill. 3) Keep the drill straight and level. 4) Push Hard 5) Have a great time.


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## ship

Marine Corps Motto: Semper Fidelis - Always Faitful
Un-Officieal Marine Corps and theater tech motto: Semper Gumbie - Always Flexible
Marine way of getting by: False Motivation, Lots of complaining when happiest but don't try slamming my place or picking on my brother.
Tech person way of getting thru the day without getting in trouble for knowing better: False Motivation, Lots of complaining when happiest but don't try slamming my place or picking on my brother.

Simularities I have found.


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## HMOcidalmaniac

nice


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## miniwyo

Here are a couple more that I have just found recently that I thought would be good to share. 

TV is Furnature, Film is Art, Theatre is Life.

This on doesnt really apply to theatre becuase it promotes bad work ethics but it is humourous so here goes.

If at first you dont succeceed, give up there is no reason to be bull headed about it!!

RJ
Rock Springs Wy.


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## lights11964

miniwyo said:


> Here are a couple more that I have just found recently that I thought would be good to share.
> 
> TV is Furnature, Film is Art, Theatre is Life.
> 
> This on doesnt really apply to theatre becuase it promotes bad work ethics but it is humourous so here goes.
> 
> If at first you dont succeceed, give up there is no reason to be bull headed about it!!
> 
> RJ
> Rock Springs Wy.


here is another saying from cathedral high school indianapolis.

"Life's a bitch and so is sorting screws" haha i love it


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## Source4Spike

"Techies do it in the dark"
-Nick


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## Radman

|
\/


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## SMTashi

"Techies do it in the dark and don't stop til the audience applauds"
"If all the world's a stage then I want better lighting!"
"A stage manager is never late, nor are they early, they arrive exactly at the right time... Just like a wizard!" -- said by the stage manager 

And then of course there's :
"Lord, grant me the Serenity to accept the things that I cannot change, 
The courage to change the things I can, 
And the Wisdom to hide the bodies of those actors....
... I just had to kill cause they pissed me off."

And the stage manager's prayer : 
"May those that love us, love us
And to those that don't, may God turn their hearts
And if He can't turn their hearts, may He turn their ankles.
So that we may know them by their limping."


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## Radman

Here's a new one I started saying recently:

That was completely intentional...


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## avkid

being overzealous kills


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## ricc0luke

our new one's...

(ya just gotta yell this one as loud as you can with a smile) *WHAT ARE YA DOING!?!?*


when something goes wrong during a show here's what you hear over the headsets..) *oh $hit. techie f*ck up, techie f*uk up.*


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## Radman

that's great


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## ricc0luke

here's my personal favorite....
you all ways get heads to turn with this one....


(if someone asks you to do something... and you eigther don't want to explain or don't know yet--) *PFM


Pure F*ucking Magic!*


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## Radman

My universal solution to every problem I can't solve:

Fly it.

It's only funny because I have no flys at school and crappy sandbag hemp rope flys at work!

So every once in a while a few days before opening night for Wiz of Oz:

"Ryan, how can we get this house at a slant without breaking it after we move it across the stage?"

"Fly it."

Very fun show! Still programming it a week after opening to iron out the bugs from the other three LDs! That reminds me, I hope nobody shut the board off because I forgot to save my changes. :x Oh crap...


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## zac850

"This is why we can't have nice things"

Thats whats said whenever someone does stupid things or beaks something.


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## 3D

one i know is "knock on particle board!"

my friend said this at the community theater cause we didnt have any wood to knock on.

3D (Derek D. Deiterman)


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## sallyj

My favorite:
"Gravity - Not just a good idea, its a law".

Attributed to an old co worker in St. Louis. I use it often.

SJM


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## kirbz60062

One i have just heard muttered recently and i have taken a personal liking to is "Just because I _serve_ you doesnt mean I _like_ you"


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## propmonkey

we have this posted on our stage door:
Prayer of the Tech Week 

Lord, 
grant me the Serenity
to accept the things that I cannot change,
the Courage
to change the things I can,
and the Wisdom 
to hide the bodies of those actors 
I had to kill because they pissed me off. 
Amen.

and:
Stupid mistakes are made by others; we only make unadvoidable errors.

after the show we all go down to the dressing rooms with the actors. we stand in the door way and the guys yell" i wanna dip my balls in it!!" the girls say "i wanna dip my boobs in it!!' it goes back and forth for awhile. im not sure how that one started.....


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## Radman

Freeky.


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## jorno67

"Safety third!
budget and deadline are first and second."


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## hollinj

The most common phrase someone to say to a techie before the show has to be "Damn it!"


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## avkid

now thats sexy lighting!


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## BigGorilla

*sayings*

All the opera geeks used to say somethin' like "Il boca de lupo." Which I'm told means "in the mouth of the wolf." It's foriegn so it makes ya seem smart, and it's italian so...yeah I guess that's good, too.

So, why in the mouth of the wolf? 
1. When you are already in the mouth of the wolf, it can't get much worse.

2. When you are in the mouth of the wolf, if you just play it cool maybe she won't bite down? (Animal Face-off fans unite)

Heck, I dunno...opera geeks.

"Life is short, opera is long."

Big Gorilla


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## moojoe

we're screeeeeeeeewwwwwweeeeeeddddddd!


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## ccfan213

im sure its in here somewhere, but since the post is 7 pages, and i dont really remember everything in it, our preshow well wishing is usually "dont screw up" or "crap i wish i had more time to prepare for this" sometimes if were in a good mood and have prepped alot a "good luck" might come out, but usually its the other two


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## Radman

jorno67 said:


> "Safety third!
> budget and deadline are first and second."



For me it's budget, safety, deadline.
Unfortunately, bugeting is like the trigger on a gun:
You can't budge-it with the safety, and without the safety you make the deadline. Or something like that. Poor attempt at a joke.

Preshow speech on opening night of Wiz of Oz:
"Are they done programming the cues yet?!"


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## EPAC_Matt

We've been using this over the clearcom a bit more often.. "... and now is when _you_ stop talking."

"You're fired." is also quite common 8) 


Hmm.. did I already post in this thread?


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## producer

i often say to my younger crew members: "Shut up and work"


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## OldGrover

I've often used the 'We're not building the Taj Mahal' one. To the point where people are using it back at me.

I'm often the carpenter/set builder and thus host 'build weekends', where I shanghai unsuspecting props people, grips and actors into helping me create strange and bizarre contraptions to satisfy the whims of the TD and the directors.

In service to this, I often introduce powertools to the unitiated. So the saying that generally comes out of my weekends is (said with HUGE grin) "I GOT TO PLAY WITH POWERTOOLS!"

-OG


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## propmonkey

when anyone screws up we hear a "your fired!" ive been fired over 60 times this year...... we started it last year before trump, damn it we should have somehow copyrighted it....
"crap: is comeonly over heard on the headset or around backstage. especail in the booth when my feet hit the key board for the lightboard.

note: keep feet away from lightboard.


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## ccfan213

were building our set now, and a newbie to crew (an actress who wasnt cast) said she would screw together boards in our set (the front porch of a house) so we gave her the drill and shes like "ok now what do i do with this thing" as u can imagine we all got a good laugh outta this. 

i just realized that what i wrote has absolutly nothing to do with the topic of techie sayings, but it has to do with oldgrover's post. whatever... just ignore me im not gettin much sleep for the next 2 weeks of set building and then tech rehearsals.


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## len

DMXtools said:


> I also use duct tape... but all my shows are one-night stands - it's never there long enough to get gooey. Tonight's show is typical - load-in is at 5PM, first band is on at 7PM, last band is off at 11 PM and the duct tape starts coming up as soon as they get their instruments out of the way.
> John



I have the same problems. One easy replacement is doormats available at the big box hardware stores. Usually, you can get 2 x 4 or 3 x 4 pads. They're heavy enough that they don't move too much and don't require any tape. Plus, they're reusable. And cheaper than buying cableways.


----------



## len

I'm not tired, I'm just caffeine deprived.


----------



## avkid

i saw a Neutrik ad the other day that said:"Sleep is for the weak", i have changed it slightly and adopted it as my new motto: sleep is for the weak or unemployed!


----------



## ccfan213

wow... dave should just read this post for his tshirt slogans


----------



## ship

avkid said:


> i saw a Neutrik ad the other day that said:"Sleep is for the weak", i have changed it slightly and adopted it as my new motto: sleep is for the weak or unemployed!



This from the company that every year takes something like a two month vacation every spring yet can't be bothered building up a stock of materials available before hand? Gets a little gaimy what's left on the market and available towards the end of their little rest.


----------



## techieman33

i can't belive techies do it in the dark wasn't mentioned that much, and for those of you old enough to drink, we keep track of every mistake that is made on crews, and however many mistakes are make that night that's how many drinks they have to take. It usually makes for a pretty fun night.


----------



## ccfan213

so do you purposely screw up?


----------



## techieman33

we do on occasion
especially closing night

oh and we keep points when we hit actors with the curtains, and compete between the 2 of us, with some bet usually attached to it, it's fun.


----------



## mr_sound

Since it's 2 am on a show day I'm not gonna read all 8 pages of this (I only read 5, hehe)..so if anyone has said this saying already...who cares. When I'm ready to start a show I usually go up to the band and say "ok, let's light this bitch up". And when I mix monitors and sound check is running late I cap off the end of sound check with "let's go eat!". I once spent time reminding everyone in a band that there was some really good food in the green room, so we should do our soundcheck really fast. Nothin gets musicians on your side like free food......or free anything.


----------



## ship

Hopefully you get there before the other 9 musician's union members get to wait out the show in the green room on a show needing six but requiring 15 given a "pro" show.


----------



## ccfan213

we dont really do pep talks that much, we call over the coms good luck or dont screw (or f**k depending on whose listening) up, but we generally spend the time when the actors are doing pep talks actually preparing for the show.


----------



## SuperCow

Anyone who even so much as tries to incite a crew pep talk is punished. Severly.


----------



## ccfan213

lol occasionally if i feel like it and have the range i will pfl the actors and listen to their pep talk, or whatever else they may be talking about


----------



## Peter

LoL, If i dont give a pep talk of some kind to focus (read 'scare') everyone a little bit, they are too busy spinning arround on the chairs to even know what's going on. If I can get them alittle scared not to mess up, they tend to pay attention abit more, learn more, and do a better job on the show.

(This being said, I dont get to do that too often, b/c a large amount of the time I dont have a crew to give a pep talk to!)


----------



## TechWench

ok, by pep talk, i meant thats what i say to them pre show. i dont like...sit them down and give them some heart felt speech about how much i value them. they know these things already!

peace!


----------



## Peter

ah ok, I mean more "scaring them" abit  They know what it's for, and they know it's for the best, and it works, so hey, everyone wins


----------



## RelativeMischief

Hrmmm, lately the luck we've been having with our shows is like, "House in 5 minutes!!! SH*T get that sr audio flown!! midline truss needs to go up now, get the riggers to hang whatever lights you need!"

When I worked for the local symphony, the stage manager carried this sign around and posted it on his production room door, "Pit of Despair, Abandon Hope all ye who Enter!"

In highschool when training a new group of stagehands I would demonstrate the amazing uses of a 1/4" cable as a whip when someone wasn't paying attention.

There were some actors in our drama club that were musicians as well, they had a half decent rock trio going on, so before any production they would pick a song and re write the lyrics to it to match the production. We'd all sit around and sing the song as a warm up for musicals.

"Give 'em Hell" was generally used as go for the house to half cue.

One scene involved an actor sitting down and eating some cold cuts. On the last performance the stagehands dumped a good half bottle of tobasco sauce on the meat during set change. Thats how you teach actors to improve, with a gullet full tobasco sauce and a whole plate of food left to eat.

Overheard conversation between stage manager and light tech, "I told you NOT to "GO"!"
"YOU SAID GO, I DON'T HEAR ANYTHING EXCEPT GO. And when I do, I press the little button that says 'Go'".
"But you weren't supposed to!"
"Then you have a problem don't you?"

I didn't trust my light op to fix any problems during the show so I gave him a charlie horse and stole his shoes at the beginning of every show. (metal catwalks are hell to walk on with only socks)

Over godmic, "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to the vancouver east f**k ... The creekside theatre. Please enjoy the performance...."

At wakefest this year, my boss and I watching the scaffolding which was set up in the water with the bottom floor a foot above the water line. Scaff was about 40 ft high with the PA stacked on the bottome and a large scrim covering the front. "That wind is pretty strong" 
"Yup". 
"Those scrims look like sails". 
"Yup". 
"The scaff looks like it's coming apart you know". 
"The scaff IS coming apart". 
"Oh. What do we do". 
"Tell Jordan to climb up that one and Pierre-Luc up the other one and hold it down with their weight. You run back to the shop and pick up 4 load straps"


If I think of anymore I'll post em


----------



## ccfan213

well its not really preshow announcements or pep talks, but ill post it anyway.
and these are both from the last show
actor as HE walks off stage before i mute his mic "i have a three foot wide V*gina" and this went out to the audience lol
over the walkie talkie : " oh crap amanda is bleeding, alex hit her in the nose during the last scene tell them to stall till she gets cleaned up"


----------



## TechWench

ya, during a rental, the main girl walked off stage and before she was unmuted we heard loud and clear..."man i gotta piss like a racehorse!"

we almost died laughing!

thats the funniest thing to happen (but sometimes worst!)

its especially fun to turn on the actors lavalier mics during dinner break.

we get in on some interesting convos. 

fantastic


----------



## techieman33

this came over the head set opening night of my first show as a SM, from my ASM, "the entire crew isn't feeling good right now" well i had a bunch of freshman, and sophmores, so i just thought it was nerves, i let it go, 20 minutes later, "kate, just got sick and is throwing up in the scene shop", i was like damn, oh well, lets move on, send her home if she feels up to it, 30 min later, "the entire crew is throwing up backstage, but don't worry, i'm timing my vomiting between cues, so don't worry, i'll take care of everything." what, i was starting to flip out at this point, and was about to send the lightboard op back to help at intermission, but she insisted that everything was fine, and she had it undercontrol, so i let it go at that, and it all worked out, it was one crazy night. My ASM was so sick and exausted by the end of the show she couldn't move, i had to carry her to my car and take her home, she couldn't even walk, it was bad. But she showed up the next day, and so did everyone else they were all fine. It was a very weird thing, none of the cast got sick, and we were thinking food poisoning, but no one ate the same things, it's still a mystery what happened. Into the Woods, is a cursed show, i don't care what anyone says, i won't get near it again.


----------



## otto

My two favorite phrases (from my least favorite director):

"EVERYBODY PANIC! NOBODY RELAX!"

(to crew, during tech-in)
"Maaaaake it SUCK less!"

Oh, no, she di'n't.


----------



## avkid

my favorite saying would have to be: "put that down, it's worth more than you are!"


----------



## SuperCow

"Oh, so you _want_ to die? Keep that up and it can be arranged."

"Have you ever wondered what your insides look like, because I'd be perfetly willing to satisfy your curiosity!"

Standard responses to annoying questions and the inept.


----------



## propmonkey

RelativeMischief said:


> Overheard conversation between stage manager and light tech, "I told you NOT to "GO"!"
> "YOU SAID GO, I DON'T HEAR ANYTHING EXCEPT GO. And when I do, I press the little button that says 'Go'".
> "But you weren't supposed to!"
> "Then you have a problem don't you?"



haha that is pretty much word for word what happen between me and my sm for our fall play....


----------



## Lisa

MagliteL13 said:


> My favorite saying has to be "If force doesn't work, you're not using enough." ---and that's coming from a sound guy.



The sound kid at my school uses that too. ^^ Albeit, he also does some set building on the side, but same principle. 

Lisa


----------



## Plonz

Sometimes antipathics work to:
SM to LE (over headsets): 
"Johan, if you forget to light this next scene, I'l kiss you for it!"


----------



## yvfd82t

This is not really a saying but a good idea for mics that die and wont work any more...turn them into key chains I did with our dead talk-back mic.


----------



## SuperCow

I was recently told that I would have my fingers cut off if I screwed up!

Here's my new favority threat: "Touch your right leg. It won't be there tomorrow."

A really good pickup line I felt I should share: "If you ever get mauled by bears, I hope they stay away from your face; because I think you're cute!"


----------



## ccfan213

oh so were doing pickup lines now???
ok lets see... go to www.linesthataregood.com

guy: how heavy is a polar bear?
girl: i dont know
guy: just heavy enough to break the ice

hi do you f*ck people you dont know?
no
hi im matt


----------



## ccfan213

oh i forgot the best one

Wanted:
A tall well-built woman with good
reputation, who can cook frogs
legs, who appreciates a good fuc-
schia garden, classic music and tal-
king without getting too serious.

Interested? Then please only read
lines 1, 3 and 5; still interested?
Call me


----------



## SuperCow

I didn't mean to turn this into a pickup lines list, but those were damn good!


----------



## ledieu

'chookas' seems to cover it in my part of the world


----------



## avkid

chookas????? what!!!!!


----------



## propmonkey

well ill add one. ok during our musical the girl i liked and is a good friend i decided i was just going to say pickup lines to her everyday. a few i remember were "do you wash your pants with windex? because i can see myself in them" well i said a few umm dirtier ones but i dont think everyone one would appreciate them.


----------



## ledieu

'chookas' is just some australian term for break a leg - where it originated is anyones guess?


----------



## SketchyCroftPpl

"Stay invisable" lol. And also good luck / break a leg. Thats pretty much it for sayings alone but we do have alot of stuff for traditions.

~Nick


----------



## Peter

haha glow tape instead of mic tape  that'd be fun!


----------



## herr_highbrau

The best phrase, simple and effective -

"Let's go"

My opinion's if they're good enough for Eisenhower pre D-Day (today's the 61st aniversary BTW), they're good enough for me!


----------



## Thranduil

Well we have a binder full of "you know your a techie whens..." 

But anytime someone screws up and is on comm... "YOUR FIRED" i think ive been fired 20 times for hitting the comm mic while sticking my head out the booth so i can mix well. 
another is if you say soemthing stupid or f#!k up, our electerctrican/ assistant sage manager/set design will take out his leatherman, take all the tools out and ask 'Which of these would you like shoved up your every orifice first?"

then we have "Shut your blathering pie hole...."

and oviously "OH SH*T", offen followed by a loud noise over comm.


----------



## propmonkey

i was fired over 80 times in the past 2 years, last year it was a very common phrase heard. now come to think about it i think i was only rehired 20 times, why the hell am i still doing this crap??


----------



## ship

Urr, let's watch or language here in allowing explnative comment at times chosen for statement over using it to express what you find easy instead to use. Use sware words as you will for the most part when it is a necessary part of your statement, I doubt anyone really has a problem with the use, but perhaps where not necessary you should challenge yourself to speaking on a higher level than back on the block. We aspire to be professional and such dialog while used by professionals at times also is not specifically casually thrown out in a open situation.

All that said, at one job I could expect to be fired about once a day if I was doing my job well in thinking for myself. Where I currently work, nope or perhaps once fired but only and very specifically as a very short time joke as opposed to a running joke. This might depend a lot upon your situation and understanding of commitment with the job. If you live for your job and the place can't function without you and you constantly joke about your own or the show needs than perhaps it's appropriate. Otherwise in other places, such a rating of your value in being fired but only as a joke would be very un-seemly due to the more serious nature of the situation or atmosphere. Should it come time to really fire you, if constantly joked about this could become a problem. Might be in part that difference of ability or at times need to do so.


----------



## propmonkey

oh, i thought the script would edit it. sorry. what happened to that script??


----------



## ship

I personly don't factor in having script edit my words. (Note below in it working but only to certain words of no redeeming value.) Ever try posting to Philip's Forum? Say the word glass - as might become part of any reasonable post about lamps and it's edited out as a word that's part of a word. That would not be a good thing in expecting a website bad word blocker to cover for your own shortfalls. For me, while I might cuss on line for intent and anyone should feel free when the expression matches one's intent feel free to, still that intent can be over used in having by far better ways to express yourself. For me, it's less a relying upon editing thing than a way of thinking as my only point. Was I offended, you should have heard my words while in the military. Still that's back on the block or in a atmosphere and not what one speakes in public.

General rule of thumb for swaring publically no matter if around friends and nobody else is around or publically. If your priest or Mom would smack you upside the head for expressing such a word, it probably is not one you should be using in general conversation. Much more descriptive words out there anyway. Who in swaring are you impressing given an attempt as speaking just like anyone else? "That Bitch," as a quote for instance, - do you really feel that way? Why state it thus as an example of on the block your friends might use in being cool, but you don't have to in being just as cool. 

Sware when needed for extreme value of expression and something for shock value when otherwise unusual for you to express. Otherwise if part of your normal language of extreme statements, it's like "the little boy calling wolf" and you swaring as common becomes less the intent of expression you might wish for. When I sware, it's intended as perhaps a not something I don't do but is unusual for me type of thing will have it's desired use of language shock value. When spoken in general without need, that shock value is of much less value thus only says that you have no class or education.

And now I hope back to your techie sayings topic.


----------



## soundman1024

The most common phrases from my youth pastor are probably 'Let's do it big' or 'Let's leave it all on the field' and no others really stand out to me.


----------



## ship




----------



## jyenish

I have two personal favorite sayings. 

1) "If all the world is a stage and we are merely players, doesn't that make the technicians gods?"

2) "If I have done my job well, no one will know I've done it at all."

The first saying tends to scare actors a little and seems a tad bit narcisitic, but the second one is true of our craft. Its all about the "Willing suspension of disbelief."


----------



## Peter

I deff. like the second one. The willingness to accept that is, I think, often the distinction between a good and great tech. There are some people that I have worked with that are just all about making it as flashy and adding as many effects to voice channels as posssible and things like that. really, we are helpers, not the show ourselves!


----------



## jyenish

I agree Peter. For the longest time while I was in HS and as an underclassman in College I used to loath actors. And while I still think it is fun to order pizza and eat infront of them on their first dress rehearsal. Without them I am unemployed. Technicains are one of the few groups of people who can survive on the satisfaction of a job well done. If there are techs out there that can't handle that, well... become and actor

Jake


----------



## avkid

jyenish said:


> Technicains are one of the few groups of people who can survive on the satisfaction of a job well done. Jake


And an occasional paycheck!!


----------



## propmonkey

"Maybe you have to know darkness before you can appreciate the light."
- Madeleine L'engle


----------



## propmonkey

"Working in the theater has a lot in common with unemployment."
- Arthur Gingold

when im bored i look up quotes.


----------



## Mayhem

jyenish said:


> I have two personal favorite sayings.
> 
> 1) "If all the world is a stage and we are merely players, doesn't that make the technicians gods?"
> 
> 2) "If I have done my job well, no one will know I've done it at all."
> 
> The first saying tends to scare actors a little and seems a tad bit narcisitic, but the second one is true of our craft. Its all about the "Willing suspension of disbelief."



Yep - certainly like the second one. Peter - you are so right in stating that it is all about keeping it simple and effective.


----------



## GV_hellion

"no fires"... we have said that ever since someone forgot to tape up one of the light cords and it was smoking... Obviously its not like good luck or anything, but it kinda means "lets get through this with out too many problems..."

Atleast thats what I get out of it haha!


----------



## avkid

We sold out tonight, so don't screw it up. If you screw up remember that I know where you live!


----------



## Eboy87

I didn't read all 12 pages so I apologize if these have been said before.

"If you F%ck up again tonight, I'm hanging you upside down from the grid by your ba!!$"

"That's art."

and, during a kiddie summercamp show, the ASM said,
"The headset box makes for a great device to hit children with"

***In no way to I condone violence towards children, I just thought it was funny at the time***


----------



## avkid

I sometimes scare small children.


----------



## LordFred

Our usual phrase that we start and end most shows with is "No blood, no fire, good show."


----------



## Dale

LordFred said:


> Our usual phrase that we start and end most shows with is "No blood, no fire, good show."



I hate children. I'm noticing that more children are becoming less afraid of adults these days.


----------



## Foxinabox10

Dale, no one can really hate children as you claim to. Everyone was a child once, and if you weren't, I'd be very interested in how you got here today. Although we might not always like kids at times, especially when having to work with them on a show, kids truly are a blessing.


----------



## avkid

Foxinabox10 said:


> Dale, no one can really hate children as you claim to. Everyone was a child once, and if you weren't, I'd be very interested in how you got here today.



On the other hand being easily annoyed by them is very possible especially when they are left alone with fake weapons!!!


----------



## Eboy87

avkid said:


> On the other hand



On the other hand, you have different fingers


----------



## tech_man

Clasics from the BHS production of susical the musical 

- you all remember what circit Breakers the rental dimer packs are on 
right

- every one got ther fire extingiser ready

- if the actors kick the ground row over again im going to nead some 
bodey bags 

- aney one spot the fire marshall in the crowed tonight?

- how maney over capacity did you say?

- whers my maglight we gust blew the main Breakers for this side of the 
school


----------



## Radman

I am constantly reminding crew that if the set isn't on its spikes, Peter Pan WON'T fly. Unfortunately, it hasn't been too effective, fortunately all but 1 of the big scene changes have their own intermission so I can fix it.



I plan on revealing the statistic that it is possible to die falling from as little as 5 feet during strike to all the people involved in flying.



There was an entire episode of South Park about how people swear too much. They based it on the story that "curse words" are "cursED words" that when said too much resease monsters. At the end they basically said exactly what Ship said, overusage takes away from the effect.



Alright, stuff said during Pan:

"It was Ryan."

"It's good to go!" -said by me after checking off a scene change.

"If we ever did this scene change the same way twice the world would cease to exist as we know it."

"It's the actor's fault."

"If they don't want to shut up so I can do a mic check, the show can just suck tonight."

"Dude, these mic pouches are just dripping! [Are you gonna wash them?] Where did I put the Febreeze?"

"What's going on???"

"All the dry ice is gone. [But we just got twenty pounds of it yesterday!!!] Yeah but it's gone." (BTW each show we use just a small chunk for the entire night)

"We're having the party after strike, when do they usually end? [Wednesday.] Ok well the actors will maybe be done around 7 Sunday, can you maybe stop by the party?"

"How much longer till we're done."


----------



## GV_hellion

"If they don't want to shut up so I can do a mic check, the show can just suck tonight." 

That sounds very familliar... Oh wait, I think I say that every show!


----------



## len

Said to me by a sound guy I had the displeasure of working with once:

Me: Aren't you going to do a sound check?

Sound check? What do you think the first three songs are?


----------



## runeblade29

written on the desk the light board sits on 
"light and lound do it in the loft"


----------



## CHScrew

One I like to use is "If chat too much in the headsets, I'm going to unplug your's and stick it in the light socket".

I also liked "No blood, no foul... No foul, no fun"


----------



## CHScrew

I also heard our sound guy say this to a freshman last year...

"If you don't shut the h*ll up, I'm going to show you why a screwdriver is considered a weapon in this school"


----------



## Geniediver

when my TD was in college him and his buddies used to sing this

*to "its a hard knock life"*

"no one cares about you or speck when you're majoring in tech"


----------



## kingfisher1

ship said:


> I personly don't factor in having script edit my words.
> .



Anyone ever read Farenheit 451?
(sorry this is old topic stuff)

I would just like to agree that swearing should be resurved for those really important moments (like when teh 40 pound weight falls on your foot) if used to often f**k just becomes a meaningless work

As far as techie sayings i like to comment to others that i get paid twice as them but the get paid twice as much as me.

(now how does that work...think about it.)


----------



## Eboy87

kingfisher1 said:


> Anyone ever read Farenheit 451?



I've read it, why?


----------



## kingfisher1

just an overall resoures when it comes to describing sensoship. (ironicly when it was first published the editors omitted some offensive words, effectively censoring a book about the dangers of censor ship.)


----------



## Eboy87

Yeah. Generally I don't cuss too much, but, sometimes I get pissed off and it comes out, like the day I posted in this thread. 

I think that everyone should read Farenheit 451, we could learn something from it.


----------



## kingfisher1

come to think of it, that would be a very cool story t adapt for the stage. it would give us techies a nightamre to deal with, the mechanical hound, the "parlor walls" (maybe digital lighting?), the six different settings........


----------



## Eboy87

not to mention the firefighters whenever they find books...

btw, cool name, isn't it?
|
|
\ /


----------



## kingfisher1

451 fareheit- 233 celcius-505.93 Kelvin...


----------



## bodega1705

In lighting at my theater we usually get started by someone always saying:

"Lets light this candle"


----------



## ralxz

I heard one of my fellow techie say this over the clearcom right before the show started:

"By the way, we don't mess up. We just like improv sometimes."


----------



## Shinigami

We had some fun things that our Crew used during the last few shows:
+"Your breathing privileges have been revoked." (we had one actor who breathed directly into his mike when singing, since he was the leaad he had the most sensitive mike. Boy that was fun to listen to.)
+"Your speaking privileges have been revoked" (Our SM)
+"I see the screw up fairy has come to visit us again"
+ "Techies do it with tools"
+ "I need nuts!" (my personal mistake to say in front of half the crew when I needed a wire nut and I had the mishap to reply when a friend against what kind?" "Large yellow ones" 
+ "Is anyone bleeding, broken or dead" "No." "Then everthings fine"
+ "You just can't fix stupid."
+ "Can we use the vinyl sign cutter?" (Our ASM got a new toy that month)
+ "Close enough for government work." (This was my new sound board operators saying, it got banned)
+"Wonky" (also banned by our SM)


----------



## ship

"Oh' look, a parade of idiots."


----------



## Inaki2

Like the wire nuts up there:

"I need a male!" during a rehearsal...150 cast members looked up at me.


----------



## soundlight

"Let's move some air" (sound crew)

"Who cares if they can't see because of our lights...they're just actors" (focus crew)

"Yes, that was a bad idea. Don't do it again." (me, the T.D.)


----------



## AVGuyAndy

"To the idiot mobile!" -Jerry Seinfeld
http://www.wavsource.com/snds_2005-11-25_555580757462250/tv/seinfeld/idiot-mobile.wav
Bonus points if you can name the episode.


----------



## change1211

Do you know what helps?

Complaining about it.

That one gets me through some rough days.


----------



## Mayhem

Well I am thinking about getting D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F printed on some business sized blank white cards to give to those certain special people!

My other fave is responding with something non-offensive but totally non-related. Like "5 past 7" or "L128" when you get interupted by that one annoying person who keeps asking questions at the least appropriate moment.


----------



## LadyPlural

I've always been kind of partial to "Fail to suck, guys."


----------



## gafftaper

Some of my favorites...

"Respect will not be tolerated"

"Safety Last"

To start a show... 
"Ok, fire it up!"

"Only 4 more nights until we close." (Count down every night). 

Post show every night:
"Good job everyone, that wasn't bad for a dress rehearsal."


----------



## Diarmuid

The Best quote I have ever heard, was
"*insert TD's name here* I think that dimmer rack is on fire again...."
Also, if you are really bored backstage during a long show, the best thing to do is say in a really panicky voice, "oops!" and then muffle your mic and scream for a fire extinguisher, bound to get everyone else more excited!!


----------



## Mayhem

Diarmuid said:


> The Best quote I have ever heard, was
> "*insert TD's name here* I think that dimmer rack is on fire again...."
> Also, if you are really bored backstage during a long show, the best thing to do is say in a really panicky voice, "oops!" and then muffle your mic and scream for a fire extinguisher, bound to get everyone else more excited!!



Be wary of the boy that cries wolf!


----------



## Diarmuid

Mayhem said:


> Be wary of the boy that cries wolf!


I haven't ever actually tried out any of the above [action=Diarmuid]cough cough*[/action] 
But no, on a more serious note, the things i posted above werent actually anything i had any personal experience in doing, but sayings and quotes which i have picked up from other people and the internet, which made me laugh at the time, and so I thought I should share them with everyone else.


----------



## gafftaper

A guy who calls himself "Mayhem" reprimands someone else about crying wolf? 

Now THAT is funny.


----------



## MHSTech

"You know where your home is? [Yes] Ok, go there"
"Who's your god?" Said after blinding the cast with lights at 60%, then waiting a few seconds and kicking it up to full. 
"That's what you get for f***in with me." 
"So you know how to operate a fire extinguisher, right?" -said to the new guy
I just had this one tonight..."Hey Mike, you know those fire hoses backstage? [Yeah.] Want to have a water fight?"


----------



## Mayhem

gafftaper said:


> A guy who calls himself "Mayhem" reprimands someone else about crying wolf?
> Now THAT is funny.



Hmmm - whatever do you mean?


----------



## kingfisher1

MHSTech said:


> "You know where your home is? [Yes] Ok, go there"
> QUOTE]
> 
> nice! problem with that is i often get school confused with home based on the amount of time i spend there.


----------



## teatime

I think we say 'break an actor' a lot.


----------



## ship

Quotes of the week so far used by me:

"I think I broke my assistant." 
- especially tonight. Poor guy, the other assistant or two helping have been around a bit and know when to call it a day/night. This one both as a tool as it were to help me get my work done and as someone to see how well he holds up over the long run, much less out of some intent on his part to be there for me I think I broke tonight in him becoming a blabbering shell of a person that had to be sent home. I broke it! Hmm, hasn't been working less than 67 hour weeks for me in the last month and still thinks he needs to hang in there or is able to keep up with me. Keep reminding him and others to be honest when overtired - we are wiring stuff afterall, much less the other thing ... "and it's not even touring season yet..." 



"What ever you do, don't let the geini out of the bottle" this in reference to a big wad of wire shoved into seventeen ligting fixtures or anything to do with these things. "Once the wires are out, you ain't never getting them back in."

Let's see, four ballasts, a 14ga/14 conductor Soco cable, four 650w audience blinders in parallel, for 250w ACL's in series, and eight fluorescents in two color temperatures - eight wires each; plus a mixture of solid and stranded wire plus cap splices galore and extra wire to in theory allow the inner ballast mounting canister to slide out given there is not a knot somewhere. Nope, you don't want to open up this 5"x18" tube of wire rats nest. It went in ok, but once you pull the genie out of the bottle, it don't go back in.


----------



## soundlight

"You call that state of the art? Look what just came out today!!"
-A spin off on my signature...


----------



## saxman0317

o howi love my red green show. Being right next to the canadians i get it all the time.. Its still regularly running show in ontario with a new season this year. But the phrase i get most is..."When do we leave for Denny's?", and..from the actors.."IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT, AGAIN!!" as they drop their lines and miss cues and trip and etc.


----------



## saxman0317

teatime said:


> I think we say 'break an actor' a lot.


o if only....if only...

BUT...does ripping the leads leg thigh hair out with about 7 wraps of duct tape every night for his mic count after the pain he causes my cues?


----------



## saxman0317

Only few would appreciate this...but when all else fails..."ADAM!!!"...or..."Look for the kid that broke the lighting wrench..."


----------



## mbandgeek

A couple that a couple tech workers and i say before a show really depends on their position.

the two most common ones are

Lights- Break a gel
Sound- Blow a Speaker


----------



## soundman1024

How could ever for get:

oops


----------



## Eboy87

One that I used just the other day

"Rule numero uno: The TD is always right.
Rule number two, if you think the TD is wrong, refer to rule number 1."

"Course, then I had to explain the term "TD" to the crew.


----------



## Radman

When in doubt, blame an actor.


----------



## nez

well recently we have been usein the phrase break a lighting wrench because one of our dum ass crew members who everyone picks on broke one ahahah


----------



## FxDrew

"Paint it black and it'll become invisible"

THAT is the magic of theatre for you


----------



## FxDrew

How many sound guys does it take to screw in a light bulb?

1...2.... 1...2.... 1...2.... 1....2.... 1.....2.... 1.... 2......


----------



## propmonkey

Who the hell wants to hear actors talk?

H.M. Warner, Warner Brothers, 1927.


----------



## What Rigger?

If at first you don't succeed, rigging is not for you.


----------



## Lcook

the last show I worked on I would give the actors their time calls and and tell them "break a leg" after I called places. They would respond usually with "Thank you places. Don't break a **** thing!"


----------



## Hughesie

we just like the phrase 

"relax we have screwed up bigger shows than yours"


----------



## len

FxDrew said:


> How many sound guys does it take to screw in a light bulb?
> 
> 1...2.... 1...2.... 1...2.... 1....2.... 1.....2.... 1.... 2......




You know why sound guys never go to 3 when checking mics?

Because if they did they'd have to lift something.


----------



## Van

One of my Favorites, " A Little Putty, A Little Paint, Makes a Carp, outta one who ain't "


----------



## jonhirsh

"Safty first ... unless it costs something"

"Welcome to the glamour of show biz" (said to the un paid intern while sweeping the floor on a t.v. show i worked on)

Light falls from the grid landing 3' from me and another person. 

Person 1 "oh f%$#"
SFX "crash bang boom (i look up)
ME "did you just drop a light"
Person 1 "mabey" 
ME "ok then" 

BTW the S4 fell on its clamp it looked like an M with a fixture below it.


----------



## DarSax

Arrr, that first one is great, JH


----------



## Van

Oh and I forgot one of my favorites,

Check out MGM's logo sometime. You'll notice their company motto is "Ars Gratia Artis" or " or "Art for Art's Sake" We played with it in college and came up with ours, 

"Ars Gratia Lyra",

"Art for Money"


----------



## dj_illusions

i work on a few tv gigs occasionally as a ccu operator...

one of the td's i reguarly work with tells interns when setting up coax runs between the truck and the camera, as a way to remember which end the male and female go to he says...
'always remember, pr*cks on the camera, c*nts in the truck'


----------



## AMP99

"God Bless the Cast, Crew, and the Audience and Kick 'em in the ass!"


----------



## SocksOnly

Apparently, the French word "merde" means "break a leg." Suitably enough, it also means "crap." (Die sensors die!) We mutter that on headset every now and then, when it gets quiet or we're about to start a long line of cues.


----------



## Van

SocksOnly said:


> Apparently, the French word "merde" means "break a leg." Suitably enough, it also means "crap." (Die sensors die!) We mutter that on headset every now and then, when it gets quiet or we're about to start a long line of cues.


 
In Ballet it is trditional for the choreographer, or lead dancer to lick their thumb, make an X on the neck of a dancer, then kick them in the butt and Shout "Merde!" ya gotta love the French.


----------



## gafftaper

SocksOnly said:


> Apparently, the French word "merde" means "break a leg." Suitably enough, it also means "crap." (Die sensors die!) We mutter that on headset every now and then, when it gets quiet or we're about to start a long line of cues.



Skeptical of how this could be true I found this on the "alternative French dictionary" website:

"MALPT! (Expletive) Used to wish someone tremendous good luck note Abbreviation for the phrase "Merde A La Puissance Treize!" which is translated as "crap to the thirteenth power". Origin unknown. Used as a friendly term. Example: a friend of yours is about to take an exam. You would say "MALPT!" to wish him well!"

Those French are some "interesting" people


----------



## BNBSound

Hopefully, "Here's your check".


----------



## len

gafftaper said:


> Those French are some "interesting" people



Those French have a different word for EVERYTHING!

- Steve Martin


----------



## jonhirsh

dj_illusions said:


> i work on a few tv gigs occasionally as a ccu operator...
> one of the td's i reguarly work with tells interns when setting up coax runs between the truck and the camera, as a way to remember which end the male and female go to he says...
> 'always remember, pr*cks on the camera, c*nts in the truck'




My favorite is always "Fu*k the truck" its simple and easy to rember.


----------



## What Rigger?

Just saw this on yet another t-shirt:

I know my job looks like fun. I am working. Kindly do not f*ck with me.


----------



## saxman0317

FxDrew said:


> How many sound guys does it take to screw in a light bulb?
> 1...2.... 1...2.... 1...2.... 1....2.... 1.....2.... 1.... 2......



Yes thats true...but how many lighting directors does it take to check a mic?

Check circuit 1,2,.....95,96,97

*director in back* "GET ON WITH IT YOU JERK!"


----------



## Misha

one the last show the one i heard the most was

No matter what...Stay Calm...as long as no one dies...there is no problem (our TD)

lets get this show on the ball (me every night durring places call)

erik kicked the floor mic again...we get to kick him (our TD)

when in doubt...ask robin (me) (robyn was the TD)

hey robyn...the band is complaining....again...this time they want to kill you...[not agian...they did that yesterday] (me and robyn)

best one durring the show was in the green room...for some reason no actor would go in there...only the techs...so one night one of them came in to get a drink, he was in white...we were all in black he walks in and says "well...now im a minority)


----------



## amodaus

so this thread is pretty long, so im sorry if this is a repeat but here are a few of mine
(for eletrical Fixes) "spit on it"
(for set fixes) "if they notices it the actor isnt doing his job"
(and of course) "i cant i have rehearsal"
(oh and for those stressful monents) "relax its not brain surgery"


----------



## Van

amodaus said:


> (oh and for those stressful monents) "relax its not brain surgery"


 
Mine was always, " Relax, This Ain't Rocket Surgery!"


----------



## taylorjacobs

safety...eventually


----------



## mbandgeek

Percussive realignment fixes everything! (read: bang on it until it starts working again)


----------



## soundlight

"You're just jealous because I get to sit at Command Central!"


This sprung from the show that I'm doing right now where I'm surrounded over 200 degrees by tech equipment, because I'm running lighting, cd music, and sound effects cues (from a different speaker).


----------



## Too_Tall

my favorite was from our TD, "If the director doesn't notice it, it doesn't need to be fixed."


----------



## Van

Oh yeah and you know that 30' rule the " they'll never see it from the audience." an Old boss of mine used to always say " from a distance, it'll still look far away."


----------



## Foxinabox10

"Good from far, but far from good."


----------



## Misha

i forgot one (only to be used durring rehersal...)
oops my finger slipped...


----------



## Rogue

Since we are currently in the middle of set construction an oldie but a goodie comes to mind- Beat to fit, paint to match.


----------



## icewolf08

Here, for those of you who haven't seen this yet, here is one of the most complete lists of "Non Standard Theatrical Terms" i have ever read: http://www.prosoundweb.com/lighting/tech_reference/bill/terms/terms.shtml


----------



## TimeWarpedSR

Hey, I know how you feel, low budget high school theaters can't afford gaff tape..so we've been told. Just remember the second secret weapon...goo


----------



## TechiesDoItInTheDark

Ok, so my school is way too poor to be able to afford gaffers tape. We live by Red Green. Watching Duct Tape Forever is almost a requirement. "Use the handyman's secret weapon, duct tape." is a common phrase that we use. However for pre-show TimeWarpedSR and I have "thing" that we do. I'm not sure how to explain it, but the main point is we say "let's get it on" Makes us smile, and everytime we have done so, we have had a good show. And don't dis duct tape, duct tape is like the force it has a light side and a dark side and it holds the universe together.


----------



## TimeWarpedSR

techiesdoitinthedark and I have said the phrase "Lets get it on" before ever show since the 8th grade..like she said..it alwalys proves for a good show..that and a little bit of pre-show face stuffing with my famous opening night cookies....


----------



## v75vette

This is from one of the sessions from USITT this week.

3 angry moms equals 20,000.

In the context of needing new equiment. Mainly for public schools since they're run by the community (mostly). Get enough parents to complain you might have better luck.

Who knows. It may be just enough that you don't have to buy duct tape anymore.


----------



## TechiesDoItInTheDark

TimeWarpedSR said:


> techiesdoitinthedark and I have said the phrase "Lets get it on" before ever show since the 8th grade..like she said..it alwalys proves for a good show..that and a little bit of pre-show face stuffing with my famous opening night cookies....


Famous cookies are right. Those things are excellent! I also like the cupcakes. Food in general is good. Twizzlers are the food of techies, and if you don't believe that you obviously have never played the Twizzler game at a cast party!


----------



## CowboyDan

Some of my favorite from this thread complied into one list. You can thank me later with a cold one.

Techie Sayings

"If force doesn't work, you're not using enough."

"Everything works if you let it."

"Actors are props with dialogue" 

"Beat to fit, paint to match" 

"If force doesn't work, you're not using enough" 

"Done is best" 

"An actor without techies is a naked person standing in the dark trying to emote. A techie without actors is a person with marketable skills." 

"And on the first day the lord said. . . . . .LX1, GO! and there was light."

"It's kind of fun to do the impossible." 

"EVERY theater company mirrors the muppet show, think about it."

"John Wilkes Boothe should have shot an actor. . ." 

"Love-it, Lock-it, Leave-it, Next. . . ." 

"Let the actors finish it"

"I don't make mistakes, I have unintentional improvisations." 

"Hmmmm. What would a smart guy do."

"Our techies practice safe sets and Techies do it on cue." 

"Work sucks. I'm going to the theatre." 

"Life's a stage and were constantly changing the scenery." 

"Extras are props that eat. . ." 

"Umm, 'scuze me, your techies are showing. . ."

"If we could read minds, we wouldn't need headsets." 

"Hey, I forgot my cue sheet, oh well, I'll make it up. I wonder if they'll notice?"

"All the girlies say He's pretty white for a Fly Guy."

"If I wanted to have people tell me what to do, I would have become an actor."

"Techies are those people least appreciated, most abused, hardest working, in the entire history of the theater."
"Lift with your back to save your knees"

"TD is always right, if you think he is wrong, you must of misunderstood him."

"move with a purpose"

"Gaffa tape is like the force - it has a light side, a dark side and it holds the universe together!"

"Why IS my life so much harder than everybody else's?"

"It's kind of fun to do the impossible." - Walt Disney

"We do it in the dark"

"Out techies practice safe sets"

"F$$$ with me - and you'll be dancing in the dark"

"Mess with me - and you'll be "acting" in the dark"

"Don’t f*** up, my 500$ scholarship is hanging on this show"

"The Five Rules for screwing. 
1) Always wear protection. 
2)Make the correct connection, battery with drill. 
3) Keep the drill straight and level. 
4) Push Hard 
5) Have a great time.
6) Even a bad screw is still a good time.

"Techies do it in the dark and don't stop til the audience applauds"
"If all the world's a stage then I want better lighting!"
"A stage manager is never late, nor are they early, they arrive exactly at the right time... Just like a wizard!" -- said by the stage manager 

And then of course there's :
"Lord, grant me the Serenity to accept the things that I cannot change, 
The courage to change the things I can, 
And the Wisdom to hide the bodies of those actors....
... I just had to kill cause they pissed me off."

And the stage manager's prayer : 
"May those that love us, love us
And to those that don't, may God turn their hearts
And if He can't turn their hearts, may He turn their ankles.
So that we may know them by their limping."

"Gravity - Not just a good idea, its a law".

"Just because I serve you doesnt mean I like you"

"Safety third! Budget and deadline are first and second."

"Roll with it, you know they [actors] are going to mess up"

“I'm not tired, I'm just caffeine deprived.”

"put that down, it's worth more than you are!"

"If all the world is a stage and we are merely players, doesn't that make the technicians gods?"

"If I have done my job well, no one will know I've done it at all."

"No blood, no fire, good show."

"Oh' look, a parade of idiots."

"Let's move some air" (sound crew)

"Who cares if they can't see because of our lights...they're just actors" (focus crew)

"Yes, that was a bad idea. Don't do it again." (me, the T.D.)

"*insert TD's name here* I think that dimmer rack is on fire again...."

"You know where your home is? [Yes] Ok, go there"
"Who's your god?" Said after blinding the cast with lights at 60%, then waiting a few seconds and kicking it up to full. 
"That's what you get for f***in with me." 
"So you know how to operate a fire extinguisher, right?" -said to the new guy
I just had this one tonight..."Hey Mike, you know those fire hoses backstage? [Yeah.] Want to have a water fight?"

When in doubt, blame an actor.

"Paint it black and it'll become invisible"

THAT is the magic of theatre for you

" A Little Putty, A Little Paint, Makes a Carp, outta one who ain't "

"Ars Gratia Artis" or " or "Art for Art's Sake"
OR
"Ars Gratia Lyra", "Art for Money"

I know my job looks like fun. I am working. Kindly do not f*ck with me.

(for eletrical Fixes) "spit on it"
(for set fixes) "if they notices it the actor isnt doing his job"
(and of course) "i cant i have rehearsal"
(oh and for those stressful monents) "relax its not brain surgery"

"If the director doesn't notice it, it doesn't need to be fixed."


----------



## Radiant

At our annual church event, the Nightmare, the ticket sellers have long had a catch phrase: "Nothing happens until a ticket is sold." In a recent rally video, we saw the response from the control room: The three head geeks... I mean _techs_ are sitting at their consoles, we hear the ticket takers spew their condescending drivel, and then the lead tech asks "Guys, what do we think of that?" Big Kevin punches "escape" on the keyboard - lights go out, soundtrack unravels, and walkie-talkies squawk to life with complaints and threats. A new tech phrase is born:
*"I wonder what they're selling tickets for now?"*


----------



## Hughesie

we say and i don't know why

chooka's?

any ideas we always have, no idea why


----------



## Van

Hughesie89 said:


> we say and i don't know why
> 
> chooka's?
> 
> any ideas we always have, no idea why


 
!?!?! What?!?!?!


----------



## Logos

Yeah, this one bothers me too. What the hell does Chookas mean. It's instead of Break a leg or Good luck or whatever.


----------



## avkid

Chookas-
Theatrical slang used mainly in Australia to wish performer good luck. Synonymous to "break a leg".


----------



## Hughesie

yeah, so others have heard it wow


----------



## who_touched_the_patch

I've heard that you say "chookas" in order to avoid looking like a Turkey...


----------



## punktech

new quotes from my current show: "that's what happens when you blow your brains out--your headset falls off" (yes it's my signature) and "the lights look like blackness".


----------



## mekanicman1

a wonderful set of quotes straight from backstage:

For the Box: "Unless you want a Bitchin', you better be a Whisperin'"

_<THREE ITEMS DELETED DUE TO LANGUAGE/CONTENT>_
 
"Kill the Goose"

"Salt the Fries" (most popular)


----------



## ZJH90

I usually take my team and give them a quick speech about making me proud, and that if and when something goes wrong, get it fix. Even if it isn't your job to fix it, do it. I also remind them that there would be no show without any of us, and then our final "good luck" is we get in a circle, hold in our hands, and yell "rock this b*tch!"...


----------



## Grog12

New one just created today

Definition of a top hat: Item that keeps unusable light out of usable spaces


----------



## Techiegirly

In college our stage manager had a really awesome sense of humor. This was how the "crew prayer" went backstage @ 5 minutes to show EVERY show:

We'd all put our hands in, a la "woo Bundy" style and repeat after the SM
"oh god, please don't, let me, **** up. Amen."

and then the SM would say to us,"I love you guys", to which we'd reply,"SHUT UP!"

It was pretty fun for us especially since we were a road house occasionally the tour crew would see us gather for "prayer" and as we started off with the "oh god" part they'd all look at us like we were some sort of freak show.

Several years later when 2 of our co-workers got married the SM led all of us crew members who were invited to the wedding to join in on the crew prayer in front of the wedding guests after all of the toasts were given by the wedding party. It was pretty neat, I got a little misty eyed 

Nowadays I have to settle for a,"have a good show" before every show. Boring.


----------



## Lightingguy32

netforce2003 said:


> "Just use the handyman's secret weapon, duct tape."
> A good part of the crew that I worked with are fans of the Red Green show on PBS. So one of his more famous sayings happens to be well followed.




Isn't it more like "just use the techie's secret weapon, Gaff tape"?


----------



## gafftapegreenia

Had a great one over the summer. The SM I was working with called a light cue, went like this: "LQ 15.....GO! NO! UNGO UNGO!!!!!".


Or my other long-timer favorite, "Lighting is Sexy".


----------



## icewolf08

"Love it, lock it, leave it!"


----------



## Grog12

icewolf08 said:


> "Love it, lock it, leave it!"


Haha..I use that all the time!


----------



## Charc

gafftapegreenia said:


> Had a great one over the summer. The SM I was working with called a light cue, went like this: "LQ 15.....GO! NO! UNGO UNGO!!!!!".



How did I miss this gem when you posted it?


----------



## derekleffew

Charc, you were busy <cmd> <Z> -ing!


----------



## Charc

I honestly have no idea what you're talking about.


----------



## jonhirsh

Tyler said:


> There was one like this. We had...the Doodlebops show in about a month ago. The LD called the spot cues as "and ggggggggoooooooooo". That's one laid back LD. We didn't know the exact time to do our cue considering it took him 5 seconds to call it. haha he was a great guy though



I worked on the tv show for 3 years.  

What did you think?
JH


----------



## Kelite

<you were busy <cmd> <Z> -ing>

This may be one of those "What happens in Vegas" sayings.

Maybe Derek can't come right out and say it- for honor's sake and all. You understand.


----------



## ship

Best complement by the other ME - the old timer I ever got where I work was "you polished up that turd really well." For him that was quite the complement though we have merged styles and had other meetings of the mind and fellowship advice/understanding since than in getting past the yes it's a turd but what do you think type of way.


----------



## icewolf08

I just got the plot in for our next show and the first note on it reads: 

"If you have any questions or if anything on this plot looks stupid, please call." 

Definitely my favorite note on a plot to date.


----------



## Van

ship said:


> Best complement by the other ME - the old timer I ever got where I work was "you polished up that turd really well." For him that was quite the complement though we have merged styles and had other meetings of the mind and fellowship advice/understanding since than in getting past the yes it's a turd but what do you think type of way.


 
Sort of like the saying " It's ..... Crap-tastic"


----------



## Pie4Weebl

icewolf08 said:


> I just got the plot in for our next show and the first note on it reads:
> "If you have any questions or if anything on this plot looks stupid, please call."
> Definitely my favorite note on a plot to date.



And I think I will from now on have to have something to that effect on my plots!


----------



## Serendipity

Tyler said:


> There was one like this. We had...the Doodlebops show in about a month ago. The LD called the spot cues as "and ggggggggoooooooooo". That's one laid back LD. We didn't know the exact time to do our cue considering it took him 5 seconds to call it. haha he was a great guy though


Maybe he wanted a five second fade up, and you were supposed to start when he started the "g-word" and reach full intensity when he finished?  Of course, the flaw would be you didn't know how long he would _go_ on for...


gafftapegreenia said:


> Or my other long-timer favorite, "Lighting is Sexy".


Yes, I agree. I also like in your signature, "Peace through cubits," and the one about the rules--well, okay, I like your signature.


Pie4Weebl said:


> And I think I will from now on have to have something to that effect on my plots!


Me too!


----------



## cdub260

Our nightly inspirational speech from our Crew Chief: "Have a good show and don't screw up."

One I use whenever someone new joins the crew: "You realize, of course, that since you're new here, everything is your fault. Right?"

On our off season events, sometimes the groups using our facilities will bring in techs who've never worked a show in their lives. They often ask, "What if something goes wrong?" I tell them, "I don't worry about whether things are going to go wrong anymore. I just accept that things are going to go wrong and deal with the problems when they happen." How's that for inspirational?

I think my favorite, though, is: "Don't you ever go home?:shock:


----------



## Van

cdub260 said:


> .....One I use whenever someone new joins the crew: "You realize, of course, that since you're new here, everything is your fault. Right?".......


 
Reminds me of the one I use around here all the time, " I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was Blaming you."


----------



## thenelsontwins

Quite simply:

Don't f**k up. 


It is always said with an earnest desire to have a good show, but it drives the point home.


----------



## emoskacrewman

Personal favorite:
In the shop, when asked how long something needs to be...
"Oh, about yeh big"
(only occasionally followed with an approximation with hands)

Gets some funny looks from the performance majors putting in their shop lab time for the quarter.


----------



## cdub260

Here's one from my scenic carpentry days:

No matter how many times I cut it, its still too short!


----------



## Van

cdub260 said:


> Here's one from my scenic carpentry days:
> 
> No matter how many times I cut it, its still too short!


 Sounds like you need to get a "pink wood strecther"
one of the things we used to send noobs to the tool room to find. 
I actually sent a guy to the hardware store once with a shopping list, in the middle of the list was " spirit level fluid" he was there for hours.


----------



## philhaney

When anyone asks me how long something is going to take, my standard response is:

"Off hand I'd say it'll be done when it's done. But that's just an approximation, so don't hold me to it."


----------



## AYT93

this isn't really a quote but something my group does before each show. we get into a huddle, and prey to a random person place or thing. we have prayed to things like the theater god, etc. We usually like to try to find something that relates to something that happened to us that day. we make it funny all of the things we thank that god for.


----------



## philhaney

Van said:


> Sounds like you need to get a "pink wood strecther"
> one of the things we used to send noobs to the tool room to find.
> I actually sent a guy to the hardware store once with a shopping list, in the middle of the list was " spirit level fluid" he was there for hours.



Yah, when I was in the Navy we would send guys for relative bearing grease, ten feet of chow line, and a bucket of steam.

My favorite was when they gave me a wire brush and told me to go to the electrical shop to have it rewired, so I went. The guy in the shop mixed a packet of Bug Juice* in a gallon bucket of hot water, dropped the brush in, and said come back in an hour. When I came back, he took the brush out and rinsed it off in fresh water. It was shinier than it had been the day it left the factory! 

*Bug Juice: A Cool-Aid like drink served aboard ships in the Navy. It comes in powdered form in these little drab-brown packets with your typical military designation on them ("Mix, Beverage, Fruit, Powdered" - or something like that.) We would mix 14 or 15 packets of Bug Juice and 20 or 25 pounds of sugar with water in a 55-gallon toureen in the galley. It made pretty good tasting Cool-Aid.

The real use for Bug Juice was cleaning anything metal, especially anything intricate. Just mix and proceed as described above. Hey, it beat cleaning a three-way all-purpose fire hose nozzle by hand! 

Oh yeah. If you mix your Bug Juice in a galvanized bucket, the submerged part won't be when you're done (galvanized, that is).


----------



## Van

philhaney said:


> ....Oh yeah. If you mix your Bug Juice in a galvanized bucket, the submerged part won't be when you're done (galvanized, that is).


 
Further proof that Citric Acid is, after all, acid.


----------



## philhaney

One thrater I worked in had a big triangle painted on the wall of the shop. At the three points were the words "Good", "Fast", and "Cheap." In the middle it said, "You can have any two."


----------



## cdub260

Here are few I came across in a catalog today:

Welcome to the Chaos

If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to be a horrible warning.

I know I'm in my own little world but it's okay, they know me here.

Sarcasm,just one of the many services we provide.


----------



## philhaney

Van said:


> I actually sent a guy to the hardware store once with a shopping list, in the middle of the list was " spirit level fluid" he was there for hours.



He didn't know where the kerosene was? (although they probably use something different now for spirit levels, but it is still used in the magnetic compasses that get installed in airplanes - so they won't freeze at altitude  )


----------



## wadeace

My TD goes over headset and says to staff, "and Remember don't f*** this one up"
its not much, but its something


----------



## SteveB

As posted in a number of locations and a favorite of our Producrion Manager

"You can do it MY way now, or you can do it MY WAY WHEN I'M REALLY PISSED OFF !.

SB


----------



## Serendipity

philhaney said:


> One thrater I worked in had a big triangle painted on the wall of the shop. At the three points were the words "Good", "Fast", and "Cheap." In the middle it said, "You can have any two."


My school's version (not only technical saying):
Homework; Social Life; Shows; Sleep.
Pick two.


----------



## NickJones

If force doesn't work; you are simply not using enough. 
that's from our head of stage audio. Funnily enough, stuff doesnt last long. hehe!

And "if All else fails, bame Travis" (travis is our fall guy, we blame everything on him. hehe)


----------



## coolbeam

ship said:


> Best complement by the other ME - the old timer I ever got where I work was "you polished up that turd really well." For him that was quite the complement though we have merged styles and had other meetings of the mind and fellowship advice/understanding since than in getting past the yes it's a turd but what do you think type of way.


You CAN'T polish a turd, but...




...you CAN roll it in glitter!


----------



## Kelite

coolbeam said:


> ...you CAN roll it in glitter!






Any color you want!!!


----------



## zuixro

My favorite saying is when you ask: "How's it look?" They respond: "Looks good from my house."

This one was especially effective when we had an hour long trip to get to the show.


----------



## TOG

Had a stage manager who always concluded his pre-show pep talks with "...and remember, you NEVER make eye contact with Mr. Manilow"


----------



## LDash

ive got some good ones

not really pre show but still;

"if we could read minds, we woudn't need headsets"

"and one the fisrt day the lord said...Lx1,GO! and there was light"

"if all goes wrong, let the actors finish it"

"be kind to your techies, or they wil turn out the lights and go home!"(personal fav )


----------



## willbb123

Ok I know its an old thread but this was really funny.

I dont remember what group it was but there lighting guy was trying to hook up their distro to our cam locks. The problem was he had the wrong connectors (male when he needed female). So he called his lighing rep and was explaining what the problem was... Here is exactly what he said, "No... the problem is that I have 2 hot females and cant do anything with them."


----------



## gafftapegreenia

So the other day I was putting some bolts through 1/2" ply and I was countersinking the washes/bolt head. However, the spade bit I was using to countersink the washers was *just* slightly smaller than the washer, thus giving a tight fit.

One washer was particularly troublesome. The guy working with me asked, "what do we do". Without hesitation I responded, "Where's the hammer?"

My TD happened to be standing right behind me. Laughing all he could say was, "Now THATS what I'm talking about."


----------



## Van

willbb123 said:


> Ok I know its an old thread but this was really funny.
> 
> I dont remember what group it was but there lighting guy was trying to hook up their distro to our cam locks. The problem was he had the wrong connectors (male when he needed female). So he called his lighing rep and was explaining what the problem was... Here is exactly what he said, "No... the problem is that I have 2 hot females and cant do anything with them."


 
Oh if I had a Nickel for everytime I've said that ! 

That made me, "lol, out loud." as Monk would say.


----------



## WestlakeTech

Here at Westlake...

Set-construction: "Measure twice, cut once."

Pre-show: ... This is one that's posted above the door next to the area where our Stage Manager's panel used to be. "No one notices what I do until I don't do it."

Random: "We have nothing to fear but fear itself... and nuclear war... and zombies."


----------



## philhaney

WestlakeTech said:


> Random: "We have nothing to fear but fear itself... and nuclear war... and zombies."



In all the zombie movies they move slower than molasses in December.

So why do people keep getting caught by them??


----------



## WestlakeTech

Yes, but in all the movies people also fall in love in a matter of two weeks (often in High School), they all know the dance moves to songs they're just hearing for the first time, the good guys always win, and the lighting is often quite un-natural.


----------



## renegadeblack

ccfan213 said:


> lol occasionally if i feel like it and have the range i will pfl the actors and listen to their pep talk, or whatever else they may be talking about



Total hobby right there. Listening in and heard something about chinese prostitutes. Had wireless headphones, slapped them on the actor and he was a bit embarrassed once he figured it out.


----------



## WestlakeTech

renegadeblack said:


> Total hobby right there. Listening in and *heard something about chinese prostitutes*. Had wireless headphones, slapped them on the actor and he was a bit embarrassed once he figured it out.



I wish I could say that suprised me. Our actors wouldn't be embarrassed, they'd love it and say something similarly grotesque the next time around.

Oh actors. *WestlakeTech rolls his eyes 'cause the smiley's make his internet mad.*


----------



## cdub260

Here's one we use down in Pageantland whenever we have to redo a project.

If you haven't done it three times, you haven't done it.


----------



## Van

cdub260 said:


> Here's one we use down in Pageantland whenever we have to redo a project.
> 
> If you haven't done it three times, you haven't done it.


 Ours is , " If its worht doing once, it's worth doing three times...." 
Goes along well with " Cut it off 3 times and it's still too short."


----------



## TRRHINO

Jo-JotheSoundDog said:


> The one I'm most familiar with is
> "Let's get this thing over so we can go grab a beer!"
> Now I am not pushing under age drinking, I am just calling it like it is.



So.... TRUE.... i say that almost every show... LOL


----------



## Wallab

TheMockery said:


> What is the most common phrase one would say to techies before a show? I would guess not "good luck", but "break a leg" is only for actors, isn't it? Or maybe techies don't go for that sort of thing...I'm just looking to include everyone in pre-show well-wishing.



Normal for us.....Wheres the cast party tonite?


lol


----------



## ShadowPuppet88

"go home, go home, go home in bobby's jeans!"
(Brigadoon)


----------



## Clifford

TheMockery said:


> What is the most common phrase one would say to techies before a show? I would guess not "good luck", but "break a leg" is only for actors, isn't it? Or maybe techies don't go for that sort of thing...I'm just looking to include everyone in pre-show well-wishing.



We say, "Break an actor/dancer/et cetera."


----------



## Eboy87

TheMockery said:


> What is the most common phrase one would say to techies before a show? I would guess not "good luck", but "break a leg" is only for actors, isn't it? Or maybe techies don't go for that sort of thing...I'm just looking to include everyone in pre-show well-wishing.



"Let's try not to f*** this one up too badly."


----------



## Van

one of our most common preshow sayings is " No Death". That pretty much says it all


----------



## icewolf08

Van said:


> one of our most common preshow sayings is " No Death". That pretty much says it all



One of our SM's sayings is "No death, no dying, no decay!"


----------



## TheDonkey

This thread delivers.

So much so, that I have made AND ORDERED, a totally awesome "Techie Sayings" shirt. Many of the sayings make fun of actors so it shall be my Rehearsal intimidation shirt 

I'll post pics when I recieve it(Dec 30th)





Oops! A problem has occurred with your request! - CustomInk.com
There's the design link, it shows a bigger view so you can actually read the quotes.


----------



## renegadeblack

WestlakeTech said:


> I wish I could say that suprised me. Our actors wouldn't be embarrassed, they'd love it and say something similarly grotesque the next time around.
> 
> Oh actors. *WestlakeTech rolls his eyes 'cause the smiley's make his internet mad.*



Last week we finished The Crucible last week, I heard "I can get you weed, I can get you meth, I can get you all sorts of great sh**!"


----------



## WestlakeTech

There's one girl on our crew who mentions this story a lot.

She says that when we did Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead two years ago, the guy who played Hamlet was backstage and actually sniffed out somebody's bag of pot.


----------



## derekleffew

WestlakeTech said:


> ...She says that when we did Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead two years ago, the guy who played Hamlet was backstage and actually sniffed out somebody's bag of pot.


Hamlet:

> Doobie, or not doobie? Whether 'tis nobler to be wise...


----------



## shot4liberty

The brush isnt cleaned out unless you are willing to drink the water from it


----------



## bestboy

Light people its break a bulb
Sound people its break a cone
and for stage break a prop/set piece etc.

you can get creative
And we always play at least one song over the radio before the show. Doesn't matter which one. Just make sure its good.


----------



## avkid

bestboy said:


> Sound people its break a cone.


A horn is far more likely.


----------



## Clifford

bestboy said:


> Light people its break a bulb



I think a lamp is far more likely.


----------



## bigulp450

Nice one's guys, the one my school uses the most is do it in the dark.

We just started a new one yesterday cheesy yes but "Join the dark side" We converted an actor


----------



## spoonifur

Hmm. We have many variations of "if you piss us off, you'll be taking your bow in the dark." As well as "What's not working today?" 

But our new favourite one after a weird conversation is: "If you don't have thumbs, you can't join lighting crew." 

And most importantly, something yelled every time non-techies are in the theater: "DON'T TAP THE MICS" 
Oh high school....


----------



## draco17315

We always use "Chuckas" which is teh Australian version of "Break a Leg"....we also put our hands in and yell "what time is it.......it's Peanut Butter Jelly Time".....not sure how that one started????????? LOL


----------



## Ric

draco17315 said:


> We always use "Chuckas" which is teh Australian version of "Break a Leg"....




It's Chookas actually


----------



## WestlakeTech

spoonifur said:


> Hmm. We have many variations of "if you piss us off, you'll be taking your bow in the dark." As well as "What's not working today?"
> 
> But our new favourite one after a weird conversation is: *"If you don't have thumbs, you can't join lighting crew." *
> 
> And most importantly, something yelled every time non-techies are in the theater: "DON'T TAP THE MICS"
> Oh high school....



Is that usually a problem? 

I sometimes say "break a light" or "break a lamp"... but then even the other techies just tell me it's stupid and I need to stop talking...


----------



## TheDonkey

draco17315 said:


> We always use "Chuckas" which is teh Australian version of "Break a Leg"....we also put our hands in and yell "what time is it.......it's Peanut Butter Jelly Time".....not sure how that one started????????? LOL



We have "What time is it....NO PANTS O'CLOCK"
(It's a great big long story that involves the taking off of ones pants before every evening performance, to ease stress)


----------



## MSLD

My turn! My Turn! My Turn! this is one i came up by myself. "Nice Stops at Load Out"


----------



## willbb123

Load out? More like load in. Or even nice stops when I meet the tour manager, and he tells me what he wants. I then tell him what he's gonna get. But that's a topic for the punching bag.


----------



## TechnicalAngel

Wow, you guys have a lot of kick-butt phrases haha~

Usually before the show opens, its customary (in my high school) for all of the actors to sit in the audience seats and talk in front of the stage with the director. However, being a lighting techie I am usually back stage with the crew. We hold hands in the middle and our stage manager chants at us and vice-versa. He yells, "When I say drama you say club! DRAMA!" Then we would yell "CLUB" And that would go on for about a minute haha. It gets us pumped for the show.


By the way.. I loved the phrase above about, "Actors are just props with dialogue" Awesome...


----------



## starkradio

My all-time favorite SM would say, "Don't f--k up," just before he started.

He retired. I miss him.


----------



## highschooltech

TechnicalAngel said:


> By the way.. I loved the phrase above about, "Actors are just props with dialogue" Awesome...



I have a saying like that but i prefer "Actors are moving set pieces with words".


----------



## lilflip

We just say, "Lets get this show on the road."


----------



## willbb123

For a orchestra show a while ago the director got pissed at me. All I gave them for lighting was a N/C wash and a little color from our Red and Blue Pars. We then got into a disagreement about the offstage works being off. They cast ugly shadows from the legs, but he couldnt see them and wanted them on for the show. He then yelled at me from across the house "this is NOT a lighting show"
That has turned into our joke. When we are in meeting talking about simple shows we call them "not lighting shows" We have also started saying "its not a curtain show" or "its not a sound show." For one show the band hadn't showed up until just before Go. So we said "wow, this might just be a lighting show"

 Sounds really lame typing it... Guess you had to be there


----------



## TheDonkey

willbb123 said:


> For a orchestra show a while ago the director got pissed at me. All I gave them for lighting was a N/C wash and a little color from our Red and Blue Pars. We then got into a disagreement about the offstage works being off. They cast ugly shadows from the legs, but he couldnt see them and wanted them on for the show. He then yelled at me from across the house "this is NOT a lighting show"
> That has turned into our joke. When we are in meeting talking about simple shows we call them "not lighting shows" We have also started saying "its not a curtain show" or "its not a sound show." For one show the band hadn't showed up until just before Go. So we said "wow, this might just be a lighting show"
> 
> Sounds really lame typing it... Guess you had to be there



Haha, no, That's awesome, I now want to do that at my school,

But no one would get it so I'd have to explain it out, THEN it'd be lame.

"Ugghhh, yeah, some guy on a forum told me about this..."


----------



## chris325

At my high school, it was traditionally "break a leg" until someone actually broke their leg in the PAC, so it was changed to "peel an orange".


----------



## cdub260

chris325 said:


> At my high school, it was traditionally "break a leg" until someone actually broke their leg in the PAC, so it was changed to "peel an orange".



And will it stay "peel an orange" until someone actually peels an orange on stage?


----------



## slingsandarrows

"If you don't move you die, and if you die it's your fault." 

ha, I've lived by that one. When you see a huge freaking flat coming towards you, move. It's really not that hard of a concept (though some actors may disagree). 

"Actor's giving you a hard time? Okay, put the lights on full" 

"Gaffe tap=life"

"If you ever mention The Scottish Play you will never step foot in this theatre again." 

"Ghosts, no I don't believe in them (thoughts: but if I ever was in here alone I would)"


----------



## WestlakeTech

chris325 said:


> At my high school, it was traditionally "break a leg" until someone actually broke their leg in the PAC, so it was changed to "peel an orange".



HAHAHAHA!!..... wow... That's pretty amazing, I'm not gonna lie. How'd y'all come up with that of all things?


slingsandarrows said:


> *"If you ever mention The Scottish Play you will never step foot in this theatre again." *
> 
> 
> 
> Yeah, I'd be outta the job if we did that. The last show, our musical, I stage managed. Rehearsals weren't going very well so I said "Macbeth" at least 3 times as an act of faith that we'd still have butt-kickin' shows. First one went alright, second show went a little better. 3rd/Final was pretty much perfect.
Click to expand...


----------



## slingsandarrows

haha yeah, it's more of an empty threat. Personally I would just make the person do the ritual.


----------



## spoonifur

The phrase we used for the school show we just pulled off in 3 months. (We usually spend more time planning musicals.) is "We'll figure it out in the end..."

We also constantly get fired and hired. I guess our "TD" at my highschool is constantly suprising us with phrases. A dress rehearsal for the school show in which all the wireless mics were acting funny she ran to the audio booth and screamed "I will give you seventy thousand dollars if you hit your next cue!" as well as "Good enough for government work..."

Somebody was commending me on a job well done since I'll be head of the school's lighting crew next year. The problem is nobody ever sat me down and taught me how to run the lighting board. (I've spent a year pretty much only learning from example.) 
"She knows audio like the back of her hand, and lights like the bottom of her foot."

Mostly before shows we shout "Don't **** up! Have fun!"


----------



## futurecm21

one of my all time favorites is "break a line set" unfortunately at a couple of the theaters I work at I'm the only one who's ever worked with fly lines before and so no one else gets it.

Could someone explain the whole chookers thing to me. it sounds cool but I don't get it right now.

Thanks!






futurecm21


----------



## dkobler4007

netforce2003 said:


> "Just use the handyman's secret weapon, duct tape."
> 
> A good part of the crew that I worked with are fans of the Red Green show on PBS. So one of his more famous sayings happens to be well followed.



NO NO NO duck tape is terrible for theatrical stuff you gotta just gotta use gaff tape its like duck tape on steroids! and 100% better for your equipment


----------



## willbb123

dkobler4007 said:


> NO NO NO duck tape is terrible for theatrical stuff you gotta just gotta use gaff tape its like duck tape on steroids! and 100% better for your equipment



Duck tape may be my biggest pet peeve.... I could continue into a rant, but its nearly 3am and time for bed.


----------



## EHubbard92

We now have the lovely pre-show Director demanded pep talk of basic rules of tech, and a few pre-show things that come across com:

"And remember guys; don't be a Bevan!!" (Bevan was a freshman last year that got sent out by a client with a mic that nobody needed wearing a bright red shirt. He pretty much wandered aimlessly for a few minutes before walking off stage. He got sent out several more times to repeat this. We mock him endlessly.)

"STAY AWAY FROM THE BLACKOUT BUTTON OF DOOM!!" (Far too many have elbowed it or in my case dropped pens on it...)

"Break a set piece guys!" (Came from pre-show discussion of whether or not 'break a leg' applied to techies.)

"If you screw up you're painting the stage with a toothbrush!" (Don't know where this one came from...)

"OH NO A PTERODACTYL IN THE JULIETS!" (This is followed by all on com techies making "pterodactyl noises" its rather entertaining. Not sure where that came from either...)

"Jamaica...no." (Said while nodding your head yes, used when answering someone's stupid question. Came from Government class courtesy of Coach Petty.)

"Dimmer racks? Dimmer racks." (Originated in OAP last year)

and of course there's:

"This is why we can't have nice things!" (Used even when it doesn't make sense.)

As well as extremely creative threats about how we'll disembowel anyone who screws up. We've gotten pretty good actually, some of the threats are pretty terrifying.


----------



## ruinexplorer

willbb123 said:


> Duck tape may be my biggest pet peeve.... I could continue into a rant, but its nearly 3am and time for bed.



I assume that your pet peeve is the confusion in the etymology during it's history. It seems that this style of cloth reinforced rubberised adhesive tape was never given an official name at its inception. So we must rely on oral history as to what to call it. In some stories it is referred to as "duck tape" because of it's waterproof quality (apparently why it was developed). Of course there are claims that it gained the same monicker because of "duck" cloth being used as the reinforcement. These claims are loosely supported in a 1945 advertisement offering military surplus which included "duck tape". There is little doubt that after WWII, the tape was used extensively in the building industry for sealing duct work and that is the title that is used on many manufacturers in their description of this type of tape. 

Of course Manco, Inc. has benefited from this confusion by gaining the trademark (I believe) on the term Duck for it's line of tape. So, now we can rest easy and let the colloquial use take hold similar to the use of Kleenex or Xerox.


----------



## joeboo46

For load in standing at the truck . . . 
"Everything in here goes in there."

For load out standing on stage . . . 
"Everything in here goes out there."


Load in one tends to throw people off at 6AM very funny.


----------



## Dionysus

"...Another walking prop broke itself again. Too bad they aren't as easily repaired as the non-walking variety..." I've heard this twice now...
...
And last weekend we had a small walking prop leak centerstage... Thus causing a wardrobe emergency.


----------



## wavemaster447

For most of my techies, "House opening" is also the cue to literally watch House the TV show. There's a TV in an unused dressing room that most ppl go to, and we broadcast an episode of house for them to watch to calm down and focus. Important people (sm's, spots, etc) who can't leave headset can listen to it on their headset. The booth people are watching the broadcasting computer - thank god for hulu! its alot easier than the dvd's...

We find it helps everyone calm down, especially the witty humor and rudeness... he kinda behaves like a techie in that respect 

P.S. We've been keeping it a secret from the actors - it's while they do circle, and the 3 years we've been doing it now, they still have no idea


----------



## cprted

Why can't the SM or spot ops leave their respective holes once the house is open. When I'm SMing I'm barely in one spot for longer than 3 minutes during my pre-show rounds.


----------



## MillburyAuditorium

We really don't have any saying 

As for tape,

We use Gorilla Tape xD Don't know if anyone has ever used it, its pretty much the same as gaff tape.

I guess I run around screaming "WHERES THE GORILLA TAPE!" when we run the wires and are fixing something and I can never seem to find it : P


----------



## edmedmoped

There's a fast food place that does really nice grilled chicken called Pepe's. There's like 3 of them around our school, so whenever we're going on a stagecrew outing we have to go to Pepe's (and various coffee shops because of our teacher's coffee addiction).


----------



## zuixro

MillburyAuditorium said:


> We really don't have any saying
> 
> As for tape,
> 
> We use Gorilla Tape xD Don't know if anyone has ever used it, its pretty much the same as gaff tape.
> 
> I guess I run around screaming "WHERES THE GORILLA TAPE!" when we run the wires and are fixing something and I can never seem to find it : P



Is this Gorilla brand Gorilla Tape? Because the Gorilla Tape I'm thinking of is nothing like gaff tape. It's much thicker, It's shiny black, the adhesive is very sticky, but is only good for one use (you can't really peel it off and re-stick it. It's more expensive than gaff tape too, depending on where you get it. I'm not really a fan of it...


----------



## NickVon

/ In Budget / Safe / Meet Deadline /

Pick two and only two

and something i have on a T-shirt
approx "Technical Theatre, Because nude mime in the dark doesn't sell"


----------



## Clifford

NickVon said:


> / In Budget / Safe / Meet Deadline /
> 
> Pick two and only two
> 
> and something i have on a T-shirt
> approx "Technical Theatre, Because nude mime in the dark doesn't sell"



Safety should never be an option. But I like the shirt.


----------



## zuixro

NickVon said:


> / In Budget / Safe / Meet Deadline /
> 
> Pick two and only two
> 
> and something i have on a T-shirt
> approx "Technical Theatre, Because nude mime in the dark doesn't sell"



I've heard "Fast, Cheap, Good, pick 2" That's a new one though.


----------



## seanandkate

zuixro said:


> I've heard "Fast, Cheap, Good, pick 2" That's a new one though.



Or "Time, money, people". Cheap out on one, the other two have to pick up the slack. . .


----------



## Jeice

I always enjoyed running panicked into a dressing room moments before we started a show and yelling, "Has anybody seen the light board!?" Most of the actors are like "Uh, I think it's in the booth man" but I'll get the occasional few who genuinely freak out or it goes right over their heads.


----------



## MillburyAuditorium

zuixro said:


> Is this Gorilla brand Gorilla Tape? Because the Gorilla Tape I'm thinking of is nothing like gaff tape. It's much thicker, It's shiny black, the adhesive is very sticky, but is only good for one use (you can't really peel it off and re-stick it. It's more expensive than gaff tape too, depending on where you get it. I'm not really a fan of it...



This is what we use-

Gorilla Tape

I might be getting something wrong here or theirs some special kind we get, its at most hardware stores here, it leaves some residue, but not nearly as much as some. It is pretty wide, and I haven't really tried re-sticking it.

I think I get a roll of gaffing tape and see how much better it is, I am assuming its way better.

Is gaffing tape really strong? Because the main reason I think we started using it was to run our snake from the amp rack behind the stage to the board at the rear of the house, it runs along the edge of the wall then down the stairs, then along the edge of the stairs to the wall, straight up the wall, straight across the wall to the rear of the theatre, turns left to the middle where the board is then straight down then accross the floor then it stops and then we hookup the wires.

We may of had problems with it falling a while back, I jsut remember always using the tape, its really strong. 

Is gaff tape the same?


----------



## Soxred93

MillburyAuditorium said:


> This is what we use-
> 
> Gorilla Tape
> 
> I might be getting something wrong here or theirs some special kind we get, its at most hardware stores here, it leaves some residue, but not nearly as much as some. It is pretty wide, and I haven't really tried re-sticking it.
> 
> I think I get a roll of gaffing tape and see how much better it is, I am assuming its way better.
> 
> Is gaffing tape really strong? Because the main reason I think we started using it was to run our snake from the amp rack behind the stage to the board at the rear of the house, it runs along the edge of the wall then down the stairs, then along the edge of the stairs to the wall, straight up the wall, straight across the wall to the rear of the theatre, turns left to the middle where the board is then straight down then accross the floor then it stops and then we hookup the wires.
> 
> We may of had problems with it falling a while back, I jsut remember always using the tape, its really strong.
> 
> Is gaff tape the same?



Gaff tape is the only thing you should use to tape cables down. As long as the floor is clean, you should have no problem gaffing the snake to the floor (It's what we do at our theatre). Just make sure that it's a good quality tape. The low-quality dollar-store tapes really suck. It's expensive (about $10 a roll), but it's well worth it.


----------



## MillburyAuditorium

Sorry to be dragging on an off topic discussion byt he way,

Does gaff tape hold strong to walls like I describe the gorilla doing so?

Just had a little idea, maybe this year when we set up I will tape the wires down with gaff tape, and then tape over it (Gorilla tape is really wide) with the gorilla to keep it from following off the wall, if indeed, gaff tape isnt that strong.


Or maybe just spend the money and get some rolls of gaffer tape and wrap the snack completely with it? (Just a though).


----------



## jonslilbro

In that case you may want to invest in tunnel tape(or to some, cable path tape) to go along with normal gaff tape. Tunnel tape is basically a wider strip of gaff tape(usually about 4"-6") that is non-sticky in the middle(basically the middle "half") and then is sticky on a "quarter" of each side so that it sticks down on the outsides, but the middle can run cables without having to worry about an sticky messes. Then use normal gaff tape for anywhere else you'd normally use gorilla tape.


Gary


----------



## tabonerb285

Some of the sayings I use before a show, 

Already mentioned, "you're fired" is always a good one...


Normally I start to have a pep talk, but before I start I say " Fetch my coffee,.. " techie looks blank,.. "hurry up. spill my coffee I break your legs".. then my techies know it's time for pre-show pep... it usually goes something like..

"Good job so far, but you haven't done your best yet.. Remember 7 P's .. (all look blank at this point) Prior, Planning and Preparation Prevents a P*ss Poor Performance.." then we garble on for a few minutes making sure all techies are aware of their duties and I normally end the pep talk with something like..
"you hesitate, we're done..
you panic, your done.. remember be calm and not dead!"


----------



## shiben

We usually make a pep talk to the effect of "who put the coffee on?" "ok its good, lets go" and then we start working. Unfortunately, there are only like 2 of us who are actually "techs" not just spare actors who dont have roles in the show, so sometimes we need to speak slowly and explain duties.


----------



## sstolnack

we have a tradition of having tech meetings when house opens, we go out on the loading dock and pretty much say "have a good show" then do a tech cheer. Opening night cheer is "f*** this sh**", second night cheer is "dont f*** sh** up" and after that, we just find something funny to say. 

recently, I worked on Carl Sagan's Contact, the musical, and we had a joke about the fact that the aliens that lived across the street were going to kidnapp us, and it would be ok because we would be doing research for the show. Everyone on tech hated that show... so every night, we would tell eachother that the aliens were coming, then we don't have to do the show...


----------



## GeorgeSellner

...and no 'wardrobe malfunctions' !


----------



## MillburyAuditorium

"You may be in the lime light, But who gives you it?"


----------



## edmedmoped

MillburyAuditorium said:


> "You may be in the lime light, But who gives you it?"


I like this.


----------



## brozeph20

Whenever someone does something stupid (apart from putting a tally mark on the "Wall of Incompetence"), I always say, "yep, That's the way we do it..."
It always gets a laugh
ps. you don't want to be on the "Wall of Incompetence"


----------



## bull

well, we have yet to find a problem that our TD can't solve... and his name just happens to be Jim... therefore WWJD, What Would Jim Do? has become one of our biggest sayings... 


We also have this thing about Ninjas... we are Ninas... be a Ninja... and that's just cause we're awesome, and amazing at solving on stage problems... without ever being seen.


----------



## Bobby

"standby...standby...go, go,go."

"The pyro is armed....giggy"


----------



## Jinkley

No way I'm reading through 38 pages to see if this has been used before (oh well if it has), but we say:

"Actors, break a leg. Crew, break an actor's leg."


----------



## cobybeckdesign

"Theater works like this: cheep, fast, good: pick 2"


----------



## Nikgwolf

I've worked with a union crew once for my high school's dance concert at the end of each year. We have 3 hours to hang, refocus, or recolor anything before cueing and every year I hear them say: "Remember the out"


----------



## mstaylor

The two things my crew keeps saying is,"It's all about the out" and " We're not happy until you're not happy." The second is a running joke. I also have a banner on my computor that says,"You can do it my way or you can do it my way mad!" One of my favorite shirts was one a guy from Mountains Productions wore that said," I'll try to be nicer if you try to be smarter!"


----------



## NashvilleTechie

I work at a university, so in addition to concert and theatre, we have a lot of corporate stuff come in. We usually get all of our requests WAY after we needed to know about them. So we BS our way through it and make it work just well enough that the client thinks everything is perfect. Sort of like our "truss" that we hang lights off of in our arena, which is really just one metal pipe flown on two motorized steel cable winches. It gets really fun when they try to put movers on it.

The boss man always follows up with what has become his signature phrase.

"It's all you can do."


----------



## shiben

Is that safe?


----------



## ReiRei

"Go mop the floor" at my old high school.

As an inside joke after a ballet incident at OSF, "Do you need some ice for your bottom?"


----------



## Tex

"It's easy. All it takes is money."

"We open tonight?"

And my personal favorite (more of a teacher thing really):
"Sometimes you've got to kill a chicken to scare the monkeys."


----------



## NashvilleTechie

shiben said:


> Is that safe?



If you're asking about the "truss", no, probably not. But we haven't had any problems with it yet. We're hoping that it's only temporary until we can convince the administration that yes, it looks cool, but it's terribly unsafe and we need something permanent.

Which is tough. Because it's a Christian school, and the ones that make that decision are really just preachers that tend to be set in their ways. And I'm pretty sure they've already asked if we can hang another one.


----------



## mstaylor

As long as you keep using it and making it work then there is no reason to change it. Make a decision as to what is a safe limit to hang on the pipe and then start turning shows down on anything over that limit. When you do an advance with a show, tell them what you have and it's limit, that way they know going in. Don't wait for an accident to make a change. The preachers don't know, you guys do.


----------



## edmedmoped

Tex said:


> "We open tonight?"


I like this one


----------



## Gibbs

My favorite saying is quite possibly "If all the worlds a stage, then a techie must be god".
At my high school, before every night of performance, the entire company gets together and we do "whether the weather"
If you don't know it..
Whether the weather is hot, (It's Hot!), Whether the weather is cold, (It's cold!), We'll be together, whatever the weater, whether we like it or not!
and it thus reverses and speeds up...


----------



## shiben

One that gets tossed around a lot at my company during a long load out is "get your ass moving, we have closing time to make!". This usually gets people in a right good mood to strike and finish before 1:30AM.


----------



## MillburyAuditorium

Kind of a cruel thing to say as you arrive to runt he lights for a show and you turn on the board.

"What? The boards been reset?


----------



## edmedmoped

MillburyAuditorium said:


> Kind of a cruel thing to say as you arrive to runt he lights for a show and you turn on the board.
> 
> "What? The boards been reset?


lol! .........


----------



## chris325

MillburyAuditorium said:


> Kind of a cruel thing to say as you arrive to runt he lights for a show and you turn on the board.
> 
> "What? The boards been reset?



Oh, it's funny... until it actually happens. (Colortran Innovator... )


----------



## NinjaLlama

A good standby that I tend to use, oh, daily is
"Techies are always prepared"
I also quite like
"you can never have too many backups"
and
"Close/Good enough"


----------



## Noble

As local crew; 
"F**cking carps."
"F**cking lighting."
"F**cking audio guys."
And my personal favorite, "C'mon, hurry up, we can still make last call."

At school;
"Okay, what I am about to do is very dangerous. Do not ever do this."

At my current job;
"Does it look good from fifteen feet?"
"It is what it is." (Artistic Director, during tech weekend)
"Faaaaaascinating." (After being described a labor intensive solution to a dubious problem)
"MY ANUS IS BLEEDING." (Truly)


----------



## Diarmuid

Noble said:


> "MY ANUS IS BLEEDING." (Truly)


We normally try and do that in private instead of at work... 
(Someone had to say it... we were all thinking it )


----------



## devinthetechie

highschooltech said:


> I have a saying like that but i prefer "Actors are moving set pieces with words".


 
how about "ensemble: props that eat."


----------



## chausman

"It's not rocket science...Just push GO."


----------



## JustinTech

"I do my best work when something goes wrong and I have less than 10 mins to fix it and the world is stacked against me. Bring it on, all or nothing, here we go!"

Here is something I just recently said, and the last part may start to be my Tech Motto.


How is started was last night, somebody broke a prop, by backing into it and it fell and broke off, paint chipped and the cross lost an arm. This was at start of intermission and I was in costume...

After going outside (where some other actors were having smoke break/talk) and using the gold spray paint to fix the chipped areas, I looked at the group gathered outside and said in an agitated voice... "Spraying this, and in Costume...NEVER happened."


----------



## shiben

JustinTech said:


> "I do my best work when something goes wrong and I have less than 10 mins to fix it and the world is stacked against me. Bring it on, all or nothing, here we go!"
> 
> Here is something I just recently said, and the last part may start to be my Tech Motto.
> 
> 
> How is started was last night, somebody broke a prop, by backing into it and it fell and broke off, paint chipped and the cross lost an arm. This was at start of intermission and I was in costume...
> 
> After going outside (where some other actors were having smoke break/talk) and using the gold spray paint to fix the chipped areas, I looked at the group gathered outside and said in an agitated voice... "Spraying this, and in Costume...NEVER happened."


 

Why were they smoking in costume in the first place? Isnt that strictly forbidden by equity rules?


----------



## Pie4Weebl

shiben said:


> Why were they smoking in costume in the first place? Isnt that strictly forbidden by equity rules?


 You may be surprised to learn that there are a "few" theaters out there who aren't equity.


----------



## Grog12

Pie4Weebl said:


> You may be surprised to learn that there are a "few" theaters out there who aren't equity.


 
Equity or not you shouldn't smoke in costume. Good way to piss of your costumers.


----------



## JustinTech

This is a college performance...but I'm not sure if there were actors smoking or not, I know one or two actors were outside, and a few of their friends from the audience were there also, and I know those two were smoking...
However my mind was on other tasks I generalized that.


----------



## Hairkid

Our crew says The Techie Prayer and just a regular "Break a Leg"


----------



## chausman

"Well, the shows at seven right...it's 6:55. So we'll be starting in about 20 minutes. Thanks"
(We have a very bad reputation for starting on time)
"So intermission started at 8:00...it's now 8:20, yeah you've got a while."
(We also have problems with intermission.)


----------



## TheGuruat12

"The dimmer is fine, and by fine, I mean ON FIRE!"


----------



## chausman

TheGuruat12 said:


> "The dimmer is fine, and by fine, I mean ON FIRE!"


 
"Wait...Who let him in here?"
(More from the spot booth at a really cool old theater but it seemed appropriate!  Little kids, school days, unlocked door...do the math)


----------



## Anonymous067

"Apparently the house is open for seating now..."


----------



## chausman

"What went wrong now?" "I didn't do it." "Do you really expect me to believe you were just holding our $450 countryman and it broke."


----------



## CrisCole

ship said:


> "Just use the handyman's secret weapon, duct tape."
> "if you screw up, then you'll get beaten up"
> 
> How about merging the two quotes.
> 
> "If you use duct tape, than you'll get beaten up."
> 
> Nasty stuff and banned for use in many places. Gaffers tape is much better to use for all but electrical things - not rated for electrical repair.


 
Unfortunately, it's much more expensive.


----------



## chausman

CrisCole said:


> Unfortunately, it's much more expensive.


 But completely worth it!


----------



## NHStech

I don't have a saying right before the show, but we have a sign near the SM desk (for cue calling) that says "tech like a champion today" that the crew pats as they get there. I live near Notre Dame. Can you tell? (I am a Michigan fan, though).
Once a show starts, I do say "and we are a go." A paraphrase from one of my favorite movies, Apollo 13.


----------



## derekleffew

NHStech said:


> ...Once a show starts, I do say "and we are a go." A paraphrase from one of my favorite movies, Apollo 13.


In some situations, uttering the G-word when not calling a cue could have unintended consequences.


----------



## Les

Lighting Designers vs Light Board Operators:

1.)The Designer always makes the rules.

2.)The rules are subject to change at any time, without prior notification.

3.)No Board Op can possibly know all the rules.

4.)If the Designer suspects the Board Op knows all the rules, he must immediately change some or all of the rules.

5.)The Designer is NEVER wrong.

6.)If the Designer is wrong, it is because of a flagrant misunderstanding, which is a direct result of something the Board Op did or said wrong.

7.)If rule 6 applies, the Board Op must apologize immediately for causing the misunderstanding.

8.)The Designer can change his mind at any given point in time.

9.)The Board Op must never change his mind without express written consent from the Designer.

10.)The Designer has every right to be angry or upset at any time.

11.)The Board Op must remain calm at all times, unless the Designer wants him to be angry or upset.

12.)The Designer must under no circumstances let the Board Op know whether or not he wants him to be angry or upset.

13.)Any attempt to document these rules could result in bodily harm.

14.)If the Designer has a hangover, all rules are void.

15.)If two Designers disagree about a rule, they are BOTH right.


----------



## TheGuruat12

I generally make rounds about 10 min before the show with my cup of hot tea in hand, and if I see anybody doing something that they shouldn't (or if I just don't like them) I say: "If you don't stop that and get to your spot, I swear that I will castr*** you with a cheese grater!" (Or other kitchen implement that I can think of off the top of my head)/


----------



## Van

Did I post this one already ? 

" There is no 'We' in 'You'. "

" It's not that I don't care, Oh wait, yes it is. " 

" This is my Universe " < arms held at full extension >
"This is your problem" < Thumb and forefinger squeezed as tight as possible>


----------



## NHStech

derekleffew said:


> In some situations, uttering the G-word when not calling a cue could have unintended consequences.


 
Ack! Good point, Derek. However, my crew kids have come to expect me to say it. I say it at an innocuous time - RIGHT after the show starts, so no warnings have been given yet, which they know I give.

Still, that could make for a future embarrassing- yet funny -story somewhere down the road.


----------



## ArthurRiot

When something is done right?

"It's almost like we know what we're doing!"

When everything goes wrong?

"Drink to forget!"

That last one actually, IMO helped save the 2nd act one night. Anything and everything was going wrong, we all met out back during intermission, hands in, 'Drink to forget' on 3. Made us relax and the actors laugh. 2nd act went better.


----------



## canadiagg

our most popular ones are:
"F*** it, we'll do it live."
"Sh**manship, it's what we do."
"Screw it, we'll dutch it"
"Shhhh MathaF***a"
"There are boats on ships."
"We make you look pretty, you just say what some old guy tells you."
"Can we learn to close a door quietly?"
"Don't sweat the petty things and certainly don't pet the sweaty things."
"Always use a condom...on the body mics."
"Always use protection...use a safety cable" 
"Rich people have rounded steps."


----------



## flyboydc

Les said:


> Lighting Designers vs Light Board Operators:
> 
> 1.)The Designer always makes the rules.
> 
> 2.)The rules are subject to change at any time, without prior notification.
> 
> 3.)No Board Op can possibly know all the rules.
> 
> 4.)If the Designer suspects the Board Op knows all the rules, he must immediately change some or all of the rules.
> 
> 5.)The Designer is NEVER wrong.
> 
> 6.)If the Designer is wrong, it is because of a flagrant misunderstanding, which is a direct result of something the Board Op did or said wrong.
> 
> 7.)If rule 6 applies, the Board Op must apologize immediately for causing the misunderstanding.
> 
> 8.)The Designer can change his mind at any given point in time.
> 
> 9.)The Board Op must never change his mind without express written consent from the Designer.
> 
> 10.)The Designer has every right to be angry or upset at any time.
> 
> 11.)The Board Op must remain calm at all times, unless the Designer wants him to be angry or upset.
> 
> 12.)The Designer must under no circumstances let the Board Op know whether or not he wants him to be angry or upset.
> 
> 13.)Any attempt to document these rules could result in bodily harm.
> 
> 14.)If the Designer has a hangover, all rules are void.
> 
> 15.)If two Designers disagree about a rule, they are BOTH right.



Never have I read words more true.

One of my favorite quotes from something that happened in a theatre where I used to work. 

"Did the baton just hit him in the head?"


----------



## GBtimex

I always started off a show by saying the following:

"Alright follow spots is everyone alive, awake, mostly sober and with a working spot? That first one and last one are the most important". 

I was once told by a stage manager this:

"Poor planing on your part does not constitue a emergency on mine" 

And I was once told by a LD 

"Procrastination is like Masturbation you're only ****ing yourself" 

All of those have been in my favorites in theatre.


----------



## WooferHound

Just before the show, whenever the LD asks "Do I have all the spot operators on intercom?"
I always answer
"Spot 12 Here"


----------



## blackisthenewblack

WE the unwilling, led by the unknowing are doing the impossible for the ungrateful. We have done so much, for so long, with so little, we can now do virtually anything with nothing.


----------



## GBtimex

blackisthenewblack said:


> WE the unwilling, led by the unknowing are doing the impossible for the ungrateful. We have done so much, for so long, with so little, we can now do virtually anything with nothing.



Isn't that the Full Sail motto? I know at least 4 people from that school (all from different classes) who all had that written somewhere on their stuff.


----------



## zmb

I've came up with this one:

The start time is for sure, but who knows when we'll be done.


----------



## chausman

zmb said:


> ...The start time is for sure, but who knows when we'll be done.


 
I beg to differ. I have never started when they said we would. Maybe we were just unlucky though...


----------



## Van

zmb said:


> I've came up with this one:
> 
> The start time is for sure, but who knows when we'll be done.



I'd modify that as " The Call time is for sure, Nobody knows what the start time is. "


----------



## Pie4Weebl

The last place I worked had the very unofficial motto of: "We're not happy till you're not happy!" 

Current place has a far less amusing motto of "All the lights work, all the people happy"


----------



## chausman

"All the lights work, we just can't find the audio people..."


----------



## shiben

chausman said:


> "All the lights work, we just can't find the audio people..."


 
Isnt that always how it goes...


----------



## DuckJordan

shiben said:


> Isnt that always how it goes...


 
Its because all the audio guys are done, and already ran the show and left, you guys just take to long to get your gear in a line.


----------



## Pie4Weebl

DuckJordan said:


> Its because all the audio guys are done, and already ran the show and left, you guys just take to long to get your gear in a line.



Yeah, its certainly not because audio had the deck full keeping lx from flying in their truss, and then is taking too long loading their truck in the only dock space.

Duh.


----------



## ruinexplorer

GBtimex said:


> Isn't that the Full Sail motto? I know at least 4 people from that school (all from different classes) who all had that written somewhere on their stuff.


 

blackisthenewblack said:


> WE the unwilling, led by the unknowing are doing the impossible for the ungrateful. We have done so much, for so long, with so little, we can now do virtually anything with nothing.


 
Originally said by Mother Teresa of Calcutta.


----------



## derekleffew

ruinexplorer said:


> Originally said by Mother Teresa of Calcutta.


_
Oh! Calcutta!_ ? 



I didn't know she was in that.


----------



## ruinexplorer

I think it was just a cameo appearance. 

What, she's on jewelry!?


----------



## nd925a

One I haven't seen much of:
"It's only a mistake if the audience/director sees it."

My favorite so far:
"If the world is a stage then the tech's must be god."


----------



## chausman

There are no mistakes in theater. It is just unprepared improvisation. That or we got tired of doing it the same...so we changed it!
_Spiderman-Turn off the Dark_ is the only exception. The haven't even gotten the scripted stuff to work!


----------



## chausman

DuckJordan said:


> Its because all the audio guys are done, and already ran the show and left, you guys just take to long to get your gear in a *line.*


 
Would you prefer we just had them all facing *YOU* instead???

I have way to much free-time on here. I have resorted to just coming up with random things to say that somehow all relate.


----------



## mstaylor

DuckJordan said:


> Its because all the audio guys are done, and already ran the show and left, you guys just take to long to get your gear in a line.


I come from the concert side of the business and we always said," Lighting, first in, last out."


----------



## cbetlyon

we are building scenery not changing lives


----------



## natebish

wise words that i have come to live by.

if it ain't broke, don't fix it! if it is broken, it's probably ten minutes till the top of the show, and you better bust your a** to get it fixed on time.


----------



## gcpsoundlight

"We are just the Tech Team. You not being able to stay in tune is NOT a tech problem!"

Stolen from a T-Shirt, but very true!


----------



## chausman

When calming a first time board op, "Its not rocket science, just push go."


----------



## tjrobb

chausman said:


> When calming a first time board op, "Its not rocket science, just push go."



Not to nit-pick, but pushing "GO" killed a light board I was running. Data/voltage fault from the board, through me, through the belt pack, to ground. If only an opto-isolator was used... Ended up with no feeling in my ring finger right hand for a year (where it jumped from me to the pack).

And I quote: "I pushed GO and the lights went disco." The racks were getting bad data after the board died so dimmers were coming up entirely at random. Had to unplug all DMX and power cycle the racks. Ugh.


----------



## bradleywolak

our motto before a show is "fly casual". Mostly used for sound op and light op, but can be used for all techs in the show


----------



## Hairkid

"It's a tool AND A TOY!"


----------



## 1troubledouble1

"I can't do anything to fix that."
"Not my fault."
"Strip. Now" (Our Wardrobe Mistress's favorite words)
"Cue sheet? Just go when I tell you."
"Syyyyyyyyyyddneeeeeeyyyy!" (Our resident props mistress/stage techie slave)
"Screw that!"
"Can we add tequila and shotglasses to the prop list?"
"Who's willing to crawl through the traveler behind the set and hold up the set piece for the rest of the show?"
"WHERE'S THE GAFF TAPE!?"
"Well...the door fell. So we just gaffed it back up until we can rescrew it in intermission"
"I'm about to cut an actor."
"WHO. TOUCHED. THE. PROP. TABLE."
"Beat it so it fits, paint it so it matches."
"Where are all of the techies?" "In a pile on the couch in the green room." "Alright, well tell them about five until next change."
"I don't know, I just work here."
"Just once, I'd like to wear something that's not black."
"I can't do anything about the mics, they're right under the stupid monitors."
"I hate everybody"
"Someone kill me now?"
"Break two legs, an arm, and a skull!"
"That seems good enough."
"Can I get someone who actually does stuff?"
"Once we leave...whose gonna be on crew?" (Our Sound Manager/SM (Me)), Light Tech, Props Mistress, and Wardrobe Mistress, as well as the efficient carpenters are all graduating next year) 
"Whose making the Blimpie run?" (The only food place within 15 minutes of our school)
"Screw Equity lights, can we get Night Vision Goggles?"
"You can't kill the actors yet."
"Stage Ninjas, Assemble!"
"If everything is going right...you're not looking hard enough."
"Headset breaks...world collapses."
"Sydney is never allowed near sound again." (A first time ASM for a show had a malfunctioing clearcom, and everytime I fixed it, it somehow messed up again)
A personal one: "I can wire a sound system in four minutes. I can build a platform in about fifteen if it's measured. I can do a show with no kind of rudimentary sound check. I can completely set up a prop table in fifteen. And you want me to do lights, the one thing I have no clue what to do? Screw that, find the other black guy." (Who's the resident light tech)


----------



## Tex

My new favorite: Paint brushes are NOT disposable.


----------



## chausman

Oh...the house is open? That would have been nice to know... *stops programming and goes to pre-show*


----------



## Nelson

chausman said:


> Oh...the house is open? That would have been nice to know... *stops programming and goes to pre-show*


 I've been there ... too many times!

-----------------

We no longer say "Break a leg". A lead actor took us seriously once!

Sometimes I start by saying something like "Ummm, its 7:00 and there are actors on stage. Care to give them some light?" Light op: "I can't find my cue sheet." Me: "Just give them some light, then find your cue sheet!" 

Pep talks are not allowed! I usually use that time to review the opening cues with everyone. If I don't, we likely will start the show the way I just mentioned.


----------



## LXPlot

chausman said:


> Oh...the house is open? That would have been nice to know... *stops programming and goes to pre-show*


 
Ah one shot concerts and performances, how I love thee.

"No, I'm not a sound guy. Just because I know how to work a mixer does not qualify me to rewire your stereo"
"Yes, I'll stop following along with my script and cue master when you start calling cues"
"Look, just because we're painting scenery does not mean I won't find a reason to use the recip saw."


----------



## ValleyTheaterKid

My favorite is "If crew was any easier, it would be called cast" lolol

What i always say backstage right before a show is "DO WORK SON!!!!!!!!"


----------



## chausman

ValleyTheaterKid said:


> My favorite is "If crew was any easier, it would be called cast" lolol


 
Thank You!


----------



## Robert

From the darker side of production.
"We're not happy till you're not happy"
"If all else fails, don't forget to pull the manual reset (fire alarm)"

My creation.
"If it was easy, the actors could do it"
"In the dark, on time, under preasure"
"The scenery will be done, when the acting is done"


----------



## MLM97

Probably one of the best COM conversations we've had during a show

FSO - "Matt... something literally just flew off the spot and into the exhaust fan..."
SM - "Right"
FSO - "What do I do?"
SM - "Is it on fire?"
FSO - "I don't think so... maybe some smoke?"
SM - "It's fine, just ignore it"
FSO - "Fine with me"

or the other night we had this (from the booth, to come to the wing)

Matt.. come downstairs... quick... And bring duct tape... Lots of duct tape..."


----------



## StarbucksAndRedBull

Before the last show of a run, our TD will gather us in the back shop and give us a pep talk. (For our spring musicals we all say goodbye to the outgoing seniors too.) Then we'll all put our hands in and say "FTC" on three. It's supposed to mean F*** The Cast... but we all say it means For The Crew. (It used to mean F*** The Crew, because we were seemingly underappreciated by the director, and so it became sort of a self-deprecating inside joke.)
And personally, right before scene changes I'll tell myself and fellow crew members "Don't screw this up."
We also say "Work first, safety second, fun third."


----------



## josh88

two sayings that came out of working at the college scene shop (under a stern, generally no nonsense, but still great guy TD)

"Shenanigans make the day go fun."

When you're being paid to work hours but are between builds often there's nothing to do, which precipitated making roller skates out of 2x4's and casters and making a "shop ball" hoop which is half football half basketball, with a tape ball and without the tackling.

Also a sign which has followed me to all the shops I've worked

"Welcome to the shop of Love and Whimsy"


----------



## shiben

"Dont wanna, cant make me... ... but I can be bought"


----------



## venuetech

"Look, It's not Cancer Research..."


----------



## z2oo

"Techies - we do it in the dark" (Please put on your dirty thinking caps)


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## zmb

venuetech said:


> "Look, It's not Cancer Research..."


This just sounds like a rough day is occurring.

"That would have been great to know earlier."


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## chausman

TheMockery said:


> *What is the most common phrase one would say to techies before a show?* I would guess not "good luck", but "break a leg" is only for actors, isn't it? Or maybe techies don't go for that sort of thing...I'm just looking to include everyone in pre-show well-wishing.


 
Has anyone else noticed we've gone almost completely off topic with this thread?

Wow, post 370 to (currently) post 222593!


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## sblair

I ran across this in a theatre years ago and it has always stuck with me....

The Six Phases of Show Production:

1. Enthusiasm.
2. Disillusionment.
3. Panic.
4. Search for the guilty.
5. Punishment of the innocent.
6. Praise and honors for the non-participants.


----------



## CSCTech

chausman said:


> Oh...the house is open? That would have been nice to know... *stops programming and goes to pre-show*


 
"CSCTech like this."

House crew. "Hey X (Yelling to person at other door across the house), let's open the house."

Me in the booth in the middle of them looking up saying "No...wrong..." to myself.


----------



## chausman

sblair said:


> I ran across this in a theatre years ago and it has always stuck with me....
> 
> The Six Phases of Show Production:
> 
> 1. Enthusiasm.
> 2. Disillusionment.
> 3. Panic.
> 4. Search for the guilty.
> 5. Punishment of the innocent.
> 6. Praise and honors for the non-participants.


 
7. Wonder why we didn't run longer.
8. Be glad it didn't go longer.
9. Be sad because now you have a bunch of stuff to haul somewhere else.


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## PeterBuchin

Can't ya stuff those lumens back in?
Turn off that light, the dark is leaking!
Who let the watts out of that light?

My time is your money.
There's never enough money to do it right the first time, but always enough time to do it again.
We can do that effect - no problem. Where's your blank check?
Time is tickin' and my meter's clickin'.

Sleep is for sissies.
I'll sleep when I'm dead.
We normally work 8am to midnight, 7 days a week. Then there are the weeks we gotta do OT.
Any time can be nap time.

We're in a state of confusion and there's no map out. 

You didn't need those cue sheets to be in any particular order, did you?
Ya seen one cue ya seen 'em all.

Slides? We don't need no steenking slides.
Slide shows are never finished - they're abandoned.
I'm a slide jockey: everything I got is 35mm wide.
Projectionists put high-intensity energy through small holes in 20 minute increments.
Slide jockeys ride 'em hard.

It's... Showtime!
Don't make this performance the last one of your career.
Do you really want tonight's show to become an apocryphal story?
SM: House to half, Go. ME: How soon 'til intermission?

The only thing that'll improve this show is free liquor for the audience.
This play is so bad the playwrights' mother disowned him.
How bad is this producer? He applied to idiot school but got rejected.
This show's such a turkey the actors go onstage and say GobbleGobbleGobble.
This show's gonna be so bad they oughta pay Clive Barnes not to come.
That ballerina forgot to clean the pig iron out of her toe shoes.
They had a choice between pretty and talented - but they didn't pick either.
Do ya think this thing would be better if the actor actually knew his lines?

Go find me some 220v gel.
You didn't bring your left-handed adjustable wrench?
That unit needs an upside-down c-clamp.

One match would really improve this scenery.
We tried taking the set to the dump but they turned us away.

Why did the Almighty create 8AM? So you could unload 200' of truck and not feel it.
Get this show on the truck or there won't be any beer in your belly.
We got 45' foot of load and a 40' truck.


----------



## seanandkate

PeterBuchin said:


> Do you really want tonight's show to become an apocryphal story?


 

This enters my lexicon _immediately_...


----------



## sww1235

coolbeam said:


> You CAN'T polish a turd, but...
> 
> 
> 
> 
> ...you CAN roll it in glitter!


 
actually you can, the mythbusters proved it.

made these nice shiny balls, looked like marbles


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## sww1235

canadiagg said:


> our most popular ones are:
> "F*** it, we'll do it live."
> "Sh**manship, it's what we do."
> "Screw it, we'll dutch it"
> "Shhhh MathaF***a"
> "There are boats on ships."
> "We make you look pretty, you just say what some old guy tells you."
> "Can we learn to close a door quietly?"
> "Don't sweat the petty things and certainly don't pet the sweaty things."
> "Always use a condom...on the body mics."
> "Always use protection...use a safety cable"
> "Rich people have rounded steps."


 
If you use condoms, first of all, be sure to buy extra heavy duty ones, the ones that you can't feel anything through, and buy lots. One show I worked on had about 30 channels of wireless (outdoor production) and so the mics would come back with the condoms half ripped off. 

also do not send a blond female alone to get said large amounts of condoms. Our ASM said she had some creeper follow her out to her car when she bought out our local grocery store.


----------



## esmphoto

> "Remember, the show must go on...no matter what the audience says."


 this one is my favorite so far


----------



## shiben

sww1235 said:


> also do not send a blond female alone to get said large amounts of condoms. Our ASM said she had some creeper follow her out to her car when she bought out our local grocery store.



Just not at night. We usually ordered multiple grosses of condoms and assorted... other... shall we say, items... Generally sent the two most awkward people out to get them. 


PeterBuchin said:


> One match would really improve this scenery.
> We tried taking the set to the dump but they turned us away.


 

Excuse me, Im painting the set with gasoline. Back in an hour.


----------



## YCTLightTech

I realize I'm a little late to this parade and quite honestly I haven't, as yet, gone through all of the pages to this, but just the other Opening Night someone was up in the Booth and asked, 'What does one say say to the Techs for 'Good Luck' and the 1st words out of my mouth were 'Blow a fuse!'.

I just had to share.


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## MNstudent123

Our crew recently developed a fascination with the Muppets, as when we panic it looks like a Muppet dancing. (Arms flailing, mouth open in a silent scream etc.) Therefore our pre-show head set check ends with "No mas Muppets, no mas"


----------



## Nelson

"Is that smoke intentional?"

I had to ask that at load-in last night. Thankfully it was intentional, they were testing the fog machine backstage.


----------



## 65535

I've become fond of this one. 

"Stop bleeding all over my stuff. Sinks that way..."


----------



## avkid

"Do not die, I am not cleaning it up."
(maintenance will do it next Thursday, maybe)


----------



## ruinexplorer

One of the reasons I don't like working props.


----------



## Nelson

avkid said:


> "Do not die, I am not cleaning it up."
> (maintenance will do it next Thursday, maybe)



Dilbert comic strip for 11/09/2006 from the official Dilbert comic strips archive.


----------



## blindbuttkicker

we have a few at church that we use

AV Team Coordinator: "if it dont work the first time, try it again, if it still doesnt thats what a brain is for." "screw up once, shame on you, screw up twice, go run laps." 

Qoutes from HS

"The pit is not for goofing around in gentleman, but its funny to see people crawling in the bays"

"The reason they call it the booth is because thats where the snacks are."

"If you have ever walked around in here (auditorium) and heard a noise, you have met the friendly theater ghost, although sometimes he's not so friendly."


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## misterm

blindbuttkicker said:


> "If you have ever walked around in here (auditorium) and heard a noise, you have met the friendly theater ghost, although sometimes he's not so friendly."



ours hangs out above the bathrooms. literally scares the poop out of ya.


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## blindbuttkicker

misterm said:


> ours hangs out above the bathrooms. literally scares the poop out of ya.



hahaha thats funny right there 

(goes to bathroom and comes back) have you heard that rattling in the air vent lately lol


----------



## emoreth

My boss's words of wisdom and encouragement before each service? "Okay, everybody, don't suck."

This is just one of the many reasons we tell our pastors to never, ever listen in on the coms.


----------



## blindbuttkicker

emoreth said:


> My boss's words of wisdom and encouragement before each service? "Okay, everybody, don't suck."
> 
> This is just one of the many reasons we tell our pastors to never, ever listen in on the coms.



Haha thats funny right there. 

"What's this button do." "If you touch it, you die by my hand." "This equipment is worth more then the pain you'll recieve from the A/V Tech if you enter this room" (Sign on theater booth door.) 


Youth Band Member "can you fix my mic, it doesnt seem to fit on my head." Me "Ok ill be right back with some duct tape, scissors, rubberbands and a camera." YBM "Wait what do you need duct tape for?" Me "oh im sorry did i say duct tape i meant masking tape thanks for correcting me, be right back" YBM starts looking at our Youth Director whos trying really hard not to laugh.

"If you can turn a knob or a move a slider on a sound board, good for you, i just might not break your hands yet before we make a tech out of you." 

"Always remember when working on a board, the fader never touches the top unless its God talking."

When in booth during HS

(Person walking up the booth, hear door trying to be opened), "unless you want to be put under this floor right here and now like the others, i suggest you stop right now, turn around and walk away with your life."

Overhearing two students trying to see inside the booth, to them "Do you guys know what a Sound or Light board operator is." Students: "no" Me "Well then your lucky cause i happen to be an A/V Technician meaning i do both of those positions and unless you want to feel lucky, that equipment is worth more then your heads to the somewhat friendly theater ghost, and im not sure when its been since he's last had a sacrifice." 

While giving tours of the booth to the Intro to Theater classes, "Now this is called the booth, it is where we control the lights and sound from, over here we have the light board and over there we have the sound board. Now there is one thing i am going to tell you all when you enter the booth, unless you have actual theater experience, do not touch anything on those boards unless told to by the tech, or we might just have to make some sacrifices to the theater ghost and he's been kind of hungry since the last school year."  scared the crap out of them hilarious!!!


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## Sparky2012

Jo-JotheSoundDog said:


> "Just use the handyman's secret weapon, duct tape."
> 
> It is great running across fellow Red Green fans. Our PBS took it off the air a couple years back. But I still have a couple of videos in case I need a fix.



It's now on the comedy channel


----------



## ruinexplorer

A new take on a popular saying (culled from FB).


----------



## shaferboy

Probably on here already but I don't remember seeing it.

"You can have a set 2 of 3 ways Cheap, On Time, or Pretty. Choose you two."


----------



## philhaney

Posted from the SML with permission:

"Salzberg's Theory of Pizza: It is better to have pizza you don't want than to want pizza you don't have." _-Jeff Salzberg_


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## lwinters630

cruiser said:


> haha... some very interesting sayings in there...
> 
> In australia . . . . . . . .
> watching the scrim go down... down... down... till the fly bar hit the stage...



I heard things were different down under, toilets swirl ccw and other stuff, but I didn't know up is down!


----------



## chausman

lwinters630 said:


> I heard things were different down under, toilets swirl ccw and other stuff, but I didn't know up is down!



In is down, down is front; 
Out is up, up is back; 
Off is out, on is in; 
and of course 
Right is left and left is right.
A drop shouldn't 
and 
A Block and fall does neither.
A prop doesn't 
and 
A Cove has no water.
Tripping is OK,
A running crew rarely gets anywhere, 
A purchase line will buy you nothing; 
A trap will not catch anything 
and 
A gridiron has nothing to do with football.
A strike is work (in fact, a lot of work) 
and 
A green room, thank God, usually isn't;

Or maybe that's just theater in general...


----------



## lwinters630

chausman
I love it! The scary part is it makes perfect tech talk sense. It goes to show how much we stopped thinking . . . . . . . .normally. 

What is normal anyway?

Ok more tech sayings;

Time can't always wait for perfection.

Stupid has a price.


----------



## gcpsoundlight

"There is a reason beginners is 5 minutes BEFORE the start of the act..."


----------



## DuckJordan

Breasting is not as fun as it sounds.


----------



## Les

Lighting Designers VS Board OPs

1.)The Designer always makes the rules.

2.)The rules are subject to change at any time, without prior notification.

3.)No Board Op can possibly know all the rules.

4.)If the Designer suspects the Board Op knows all the rules, he must immediately change some or all of the rules.

5.)The Designer is NEVER wrong.

6.)If the Designer is wrong, it is because of a flagrant misunderstanding, which is a direct result of something the Board Op did or said wrong.

7.)If rule 6 applies, the Board Op must apologize immediately for causing the misunderstanding.

8.)The Designer can change his mind at any given point in time.

9.)The Board Op must never change his mind without express written consent from the Designer.

10.)The Designer has every right to be angry or upset at any time.

11.)The Board Op must remain calm at all times, unless the Designer wants him to be angry or upset.

12.)The Designer must under no circumstances let the Board Op know whether or not he wants him to be angry or upset.

13.)Any attempt to document these rules could result in bodily harm.

14.)If the Designer has a hangover, all rules are void.

15.)If two Designers disagree about a rule, they are BOTH right.


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## philhaney

chausman said:


> In is down, down is front;
> Out is up, up is back;
> Off is out, on is in;
> and of course
> Right is left and left is right.
> A drop shouldn't
> and
> A Block and fall does neither.
> A prop doesn't
> and
> A Cove has no water.
> Tripping is OK,
> A running crew rarely gets anywhere,
> A purchase line will buy you nothing;
> A trap will not catch anything
> and
> A gridiron has nothing to do with football.
> A strike is work (in fact, a lot of work)
> and
> A green room, thank God, usually isn't;
> 
> Or maybe that's just theater in general...



Early is on time.
On time is late.


----------



## sk8rsdad

philhaney said:


> Early is on time.
> On time is late.



Late is unemployed.


----------



## Footer

philhaney said:


> Early is on time.
> On time is late.



Nothing annoys me more then the 10 minute rule. If your not going to pay me to be there.... I'm not going to be there. 

Sent from my Galaxy Nexus using Tapatalk 2


----------



## philhaney

Footer said:


> Nothing annoys me more then the 10 minute rule. If your not going to pay me to be there.... I'm not going to be there.



Never heard of it. I was just taught that call time is "be there, checked in, on deck (or wherever), and ready to go" time, not "just walking in the door time." I get there early to make sure I'm ready to go, so I don't hold up the production.

I added my two lines because in the version of the list that I saw, the first time I saw it, they were included.

No disrespect intended. If they insist that you be there 10 minutes before the call, you should get paid for it. At my venue, call time is walking in the door time.


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## cmckeeman

Footer said:


> Nothing annoys me more then the 10 minute rule. If your not going to pay me to be there.... I'm not going to be there.
> 
> Sent from my Galaxy Nexus using Tapatalk 2



on the flipside, if i am paying you to work at 8 you need to be pushing cases at 8,


----------



## ruinexplorer

Exactly, the purpose is so that you will be able to start work at the designated time. When the contract states a time to start working, the labor organization will mandate a check-in time (my local was at 15 minutes) which allows them to fill the position with a stand-by. I picked up work that way once or twice as an apprentice. Once you check in, you have the opportunity to know who your crew-chief is and prep yourself to start work at the designated call time. When I worked on smaller shows, they would generally wave that rule since there were no stand-bys and starting on the dot wasn't quite as necessary. 

Personally, I don't mind being early as it is less stressful than rushing in at the last second. Living in larger cities, traffic and parking can sometimes throw you off quite a bit. By planning on being early, then at least you don't start your day cranky.


----------



## FadeToBlack

Not sure if someone has already said this...but there is this one saying that's been going around the venues that I've been at, and I think it's supposed to be a play on "Break a leg".
I don't know when it started, but now we go around before shows and say "Break an actor's leg" to anyone on crew.


----------



## museav

Footer said:


> Nothing annoys me more then the 10 minute rule. If your not going to pay me to be there.... I'm not going to be there.


That seems fair as long as long as you also believe that if you're not there on time then you pay for everyone else who was. Seriously, if I have a choice of potentially being early and possibly waiting or risking being late and having others potentially waiting on me then it just seems professional to be early.


----------



## TheaterEd

My two most used saying for my students are 
"If it's not yours, Don't Touch it"
"Stupid Hurts"


----------



## misterm

loosely related, following moments of idiocy: "Now you see what happens when you do something stupid?"


----------



## BanditRO

For the Frank Zappa afficianados: "Save a place on the bench for the guy with the wrench..." You afficianados know the rest ;-)


----------



## zmb

"Three tech rehearsals should be plenty, I don't see how a fourth one could make this better."


----------



## blindbuttkicker

Or a 5th one to make it worse  "Look at what you did now, now we got to go allllllll the way back to step 1 and fix it, thanks a lot Sir Handyman"  Onto the 6th rotation of the tech rehearsal.....anddddd repeat....


----------



## blindbuttkicker

a saying for us in Lighting "don't forget to power off the light your changing and not forget to tell the board op that your using it, otherwise you'll be in for a light when you re-lamp"


----------



## blindbuttkicker

misterm said:


> loosely related, following moments of idiocy: "Now you see what happens when you do something stupid?"



Stupid, I think you're referring to a talented multi tasker with a mindset of a designer and the brains of a stage hand.


----------



## NeverAnonymous

"JUST USE PAINT!" What a senic guy just yelled. Thought it applied


----------



## masterelectrician2112

Not sure if this one has been mentioned already, but it's a good scenic construction one. "Beat to fit. Paint to match."


----------



## zmb

masterelectrician2112 said:


> "Beat to fit. Paint to match."



We can make it look nice later. Besides, the audience is 30 feet away.


----------



## MarshallPope

zmb said:


> We can make it look nice later. Besides, the audience is 30 feet away.


"That's what gaff tape is for" (I've found myself using that a lot lately. The joys of working with a student crew...)


----------



## WooferHound

That's OK . . . We will fix it in the mixdown . . .


----------



## omgitsgela

I tend to use the tried and true "what could possibly go wrong?"


----------



## blindbuttkicker

"if you want to learn, open your mind and listen, if you want to goof off, be wary of standing below someone working on a light. Otherwise you'll really "goof" off in a matter of seconds" 

"If someone asked this to be perfect, it just isn't perfect, its the result of hard work, mostly sweat though, a bit of thinking, and lots of hard work. This is why its called perfect because we design it to be perfect in our eyes" 

"If one lamp fails and burns out, start counting till how long the ripple effect takes over"


----------



## bobgaggle

necroposting but so worth it. 

A guy in my shop was complaining about his piece of wood not fitting right, and the guy who's been working here for 20 years leans over and says, "what? you cut it three times and its still too short? Unbelievable" 

Had the rest of us rolling on the floor. Can't believe none of us had heard that one before, apparently its an oldie but goodie


----------



## Sparky2012

bobgaggle said:


> necroposting but so worth it.
> 
> A guy in my shop was complaining about his piece of wood not fitting right, and the guy who's been working here for 20 years leans over and says, "what? you cut it three times and its still too short? Unbelievable"
> 
> Had the rest of us rolling on the floor. Can't believe none of us had heard that one before, apparently its an oldie but goodie



Haha, glad to see this thread is still alive. This one made me laugh pretty hard. XD


----------



## cdiamondz

"We'll finish focusing tomorrow" - let's just say that focusing won't be finished tomorrow...

And the good ol' "One more time!"


----------



## RonHebbard

cdiamondz said:


> "We'll finish focusing tomorrow" - let's just say that focusing won't be finished tomorrow...
> 
> And the good ol' "One more time!"


Right up there with: "Well, you've done it again." Usually delivered with a firm hand-shake or hug during opening night parties without specifically clarifying if you feel they've done another great job as usual or blown it totally out of the water. 
Toodleoo!
Ron Hebbard.


----------



## sloop

OK folks.. Smoke and mirror time!


----------



## Crisp image

Ok so Chookers is all about food. If the show was a sell out and the crowd were happy the actors could expect chook (chicken) for a meal. Chicken was an expensive food at the time so it was considered a treat. 
I thought it came from England but it is an Aussie thing.
So now you know what chookers means. It is a good luck saying and used in place of break a leg. 

Regards
Crispy


----------



## Buttmonkey

TheMockery said:


> What is the most common phrase one would say to techies before a show? I would guess not "good luck", but "break a leg" is only for actors, isn't it? Or maybe techies don't go for that sort of thing...I'm just looking to include everyone in pre-show well-wishing.


The most common one at my theater is, "is it loadout yet?"


----------



## ship

No words of late, just the Roman Army type half breasted type of salute to others after over 20 years at the company.


----------



## EdSavoie

"It only has to look good from the audience"

Usually uttered when scenic carps are squabbling over 16ths of an inch


----------



## SteveB

"Nobody died from bad theater". 

"We're not happy unless you're not happy".


----------



## RonHebbard

SteveB said:


> "Nobody died from bad theater".
> 
> "We're not happy unless you're not happy".


Other than that Mrs. Lincoln, how did you enjoy the show?
(Bring on your impeachment lines; I hear the witch hunt's caught a warlock.) 
IA slogan: Some call it nepotism, we call it tradition! 
Toodleoo!
Ron Hebbard


----------

